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OnlyAvailableID's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out my boyfriend dresses in my underwear and tights, takes suggestive shots of his ass and legs, and uses them to trick people into thinking he's a girl so they buy him stuff in his online games. FML
by mybfthecrossdresser / 01/20/2015 at 10:08am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
by BDSM4Jesus / 01/19/2015 at 11:42pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML
by Anonymous / 01/09/2015 at 3:16pm / United States / Health
Today, I got a gift-wrapped package in the mail from my racist mother-in-law. She's always hated me, so I thought it was a bit strange. Inside was a squirt gun and a note telling me to take my "black ass" for a walk around a police station with it, followed with a smiley face. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2014 at 1:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss' new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off". She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML
Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML
by giantblueballsthesizeofjohnnysinscock / 12/19/2014 at 6:14pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by cigarettes / 12/11/2014 at 1:33pm / United States / Intimacy
by punaise ... / 12/04/2014 at 9:12pm / France (Franche-Comte) / Love
Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML
by AAnonymous / 11/05/2014 at 8:57am / United States (Utah) / Health
by thealaskanyoung / 10/29/2014 at 11:58pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML
by sushipanda9 / 10/20/2014 at 8:07pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by problems / 10/18/2014 at 11:03pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2014 at 12:55am / United States (California) / Health
Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML
by Beeper / 10/11/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by freeachickadee / 10/09/2014 at 11:32pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work
- Today, I sat awkwardly and pretended like I didn't notice my cousin discreetly trying to masturbate… Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and… Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the…
- Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or… Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet.… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…