About OnlyAvailableID : Eudaemonia.
OnlyAvailableID's FML badges
You subsequently gave feedback by commenting on an FML that you’d submitted and was published.
One ring to rule them all
You submitted an FML that was successfully published on the website. This makes you an exceptional human being.
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
OnlyAvailableID's favorite FMLs
by SOTS4335 / 05/16/2015 at 6:16pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, the cops showed up at our door at 11 pm. Apparently, our neighbours thought I was being abused because they heard high-pitched screaming for 45 minutes straight. Little did they know our 6-month-old baby screams when she's happy. Loudly. FML
by Feronia / 05/05/2015 at 5:00pm / Netherlands (Zeeland) / Kids
Today, my boss told me I ask too many questions and that's why they cut my hours in half. Officially, I'm a "Pharmacy Technician in Training", which means I'm trying to teach myself how to do the job without killing someone. All from on the job experience and an outdated textbook. FML
by PharmSlave / 05/01/2015 at 2:12am / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML
by Mr. Sniffles / 03/23/2015 at 11:43am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my first day working as a pharmacist. I quickly discovered that customers not only think that it makes me qualified to offer free medical advice, but they also have no qualms about showing me their various lumps, bumps, and vaginal leakages. FML
by MyPoorEyes / 03/19/2015 at 9:19am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
by Metallurge / 03/12/2015 at 11:02pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Transportation
Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML
by killme / 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I apologised to someone for my misuse of the word 'coloured' in a discussion about ethnic minority issues. They then got even more angry and said that to even quote the word in the context of an apology is evidence of my ignorance and inherent racism. FML
by whiteycan'tgetitrightey / 02/24/2015 at 6:13pm / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancé and his family accused me of being with him only because he's rich, refusing to go ahead with the wedding. I accepted his marriage proposal 4 years ago, when he was penniless and unemployed. FML
by Anonymous / 02/24/2015 at 10:10am / India (Tamil Nadu) / Love
by brazo667 / 02/09/2015 at 6:07pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by sorry :/ / 02/08/2015 at 1:28pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by OnlyAvailableID / 02/08/2015 at 3:35am / Australia / Animals
Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by lolcat97 / 01/28/2015 at 5:35pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML
by frozenpoo / 01/20/2015 at 9:05pm / United States / Kids
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…
- Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with… Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me… Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have…