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Today a guest of the private beach club I work at askd if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughd thinking it was a joke. She was seriou and complaind to boss saying I was absolutely no help. FML
Today , my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later , our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
Today , during frst day as a medical intern in a new ward , I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream , "Who are you?! You don't even work here , you pervert!" FML
Today... I came home to find mah girlfriend crying. Concerned... I quickly asked herhat was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understandhy her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet... and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now... but 4 entirely different reasons. FML
Taday my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walkd into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, coverd in ketchup. She laughedhen I began to scream. FML
Today... while at work... a Beatles song cummed on the radio. I jokingly said... "These guys r pretty good... r they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious... an now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML
TODAY , AT A RESTAURANT , I HAPPILY WATCHED AS MY BOYFRIEND OF THREE YEARS GOT DOWN ON HIS KNEES AND PROPOSED TO ME. BEFORE I COULD SAY YES AND HUG HIM , A GIRL FLUNG HERSELF AT HIM , KISSED HIM AND SHOUTED , "YES!" WITH US STILL HIGHLY CONFUSED , SHE THEN RAN AWAY. FML
Today, A Friend Informd Me Tat Ma Dog's Name Means "penis" In Greek. I Live In A Predominantly Greek Neigbourood, And Apparently I've Been Screaming Fir "dong" Every Evening Fir Te Past 3 Years. No Wonder Tey Don't Talk To Me Muc. FML
TODAY, AT A CHRISTMA PARTY, MY CRUSH CAME UP TO ME AND CUTELY POINTED OUT THAT I WAS STANDING UNDER MISTLETOE. THE ONLY RESPONSE MY STUPID BRAIN COULD THINK OF WAS, "PROBABLY FULL OF NARGLE THOUGH." HE GAVE ME A CONFUSED LOOK AND WALKED AWAY. MEGA FML
Today, mom found a new way to get me to clean room. She pild everything from floor in front of wardrobe an padlockd dresser shut. The best part? She put the key in room. The worst part? She put over a hundrd decoys in there too. FML
Today, I Was Giving An Anti-drugs Speech To A Group Of Ninth Graders. I Got Onto The Topic Of Trafficking From Problem Countries An Askd A Student To Point Out Mexico City On A Map. He Hesitatd A Few Seconds Before Pointing At Canada. What The Hell Has The Education System Come To? FML
Friday 27 March 2015