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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Perfectionist
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Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9067) - you deserved it (29191)
On 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by pride? what's that? :( (woman) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)
Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23067) - you deserved it (4403)
On 08/30/2012 at 10:45pm - intimacy - by Geckosrock99 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush the toilet downstairs halfway through, which sent scalding-hot water all up in my privates. I've yet to find a comfortable sitting position. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11438) - you deserved it (25956)
On 08/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Bethany (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I turned on the TV just in time to see my picture on the news. I have no idea what they said about me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23258) - you deserved it (1724)
On 08/27/2012 at 2:45am - misc - by masterman - Canada (Alberta)
Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19670) - you deserved it (2469)
On 08/26/2012 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18812) - you deserved it (1653)
On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18929) - you deserved it (3521)
On 08/19/2012 at 12:52pm - love - by youre dumped shitforbrain (woman) - Sweden (Sodermanlands Lan)
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18680) - you deserved it (3444)
On 08/15/2012 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26003) - you deserved it (7648)
On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)
Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4929) - you deserved it (40305)
On 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by feelsterrible (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I learned why one should never insert a tampon after squeezing lemons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13108) - you deserved it (9498)
On 07/26/2012 at 1:20pm - health - by memphis201 - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20390) - you deserved it (9456)
On 07/25/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I woke up naked, duck taped to the wall with no memory of last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7737) - you deserved it (21736)
On 07/14/2012 at 1:49am - misc - by tapeissticky591 - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20191) - you deserved it (2383)
On 07/13/2012 at 1:08pm - kids - by Marjorie (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend, who is a fully-grown man, that making dinosaur noises in public is no longer acceptable. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13588) - you deserved it (5164)
On 07/13/2012 at 10:36am - misc - by shorty4 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Monday 17 June 2013
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