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Offline (the 11/22/2014 at 8:26am) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 6 August 1990 (25 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 7852
  • Number of comments : 24
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

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Nutcup's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML


I agree, your life sucks (61143) - you deserved it (9719)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML


I agree, your life sucks (42146) - you deserved it (13168)

On 01/08/2014 at 10:23pm - misc - by chapstick (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML


I agree, your life sucks (50506) - you deserved it (5352)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:37pm - misc - by bear food - United States (California)

Today, I brought up the subject of marriage with my boyfriend. His response was to shoot me with a nerf gun and laugh. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46340) - you deserved it (9362)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:20pm - love - by CatLady - United States (California)

Today, I woke up from a short nap, only to find two waxing strips stuck to my eyebrows. I now have very little of my eyebrows remaining, and just as little idea which idiot in my family pulled this stupid excuse of a prank. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42125) - you deserved it (4768)

On 01/05/2014 at 3:39pm - misc - by I will find you and I will fucking fuck y (woman) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML


I agree, your life sucks (54330) - you deserved it (6184)

On 01/04/2014 at 1:06am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44483) - you deserved it (8312) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm - misc - by Elisa_LmR (woman) - France

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39391) - you deserved it (12787)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by thanks.... (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML


I agree, your life sucks (54415) - you deserved it (4481)

On 01/02/2014 at 10:50pm - love - by notakeeper - United States (Florida)

Today, I ate some amazing homemade brownies that my best friend's wife made for us. She waited till I'd shoved a third one into my mouth before she mentioned she made them with breast milk. Knowing her, I don't even doubt it was true. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45216) - you deserved it (4836)

On 01/02/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Fife)

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43237) - you deserved it (10160)

On 12/28/2013 at 4:19pm - health - by beemove (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53461) - you deserved it (6969)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees. For some reason, everybody pronounce it "your anus". FML


I agree, your life sucks (41134) - you deserved it (5643)

On 12/24/2013 at 5:45am - misc - by yarenis - United States (Massachusetts)

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