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Nutcup's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Nutcup's favorite FMLs
by ballbreath / 07/16/2014 at 11:44am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML
by Sheh / 07/16/2014 at 11:02am / Sweden / Animals
by chloecamp / 07/14/2014 at 11:35pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by AFH2O / 07/14/2014 at 7:04pm / United States (California) / Work
by Jack00412 / 07/08/2014 at 3:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals
Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML
by notacashier / 07/03/2014 at 8:29am / United States (New York) / Money
by boob sisters / 07/02/2014 at 1:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/29/2014 at 1:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/28/2014 at 8:09pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals
Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm / Spain (Comunidad Valenciana) / Animals
by fredfredburger / 06/25/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, while in the yard, my 18-month-old son decided to take off running into the road, where a car was driving. I rushed after him, only for one of my dress straps to suddenly break without warning. It must have looked like I was trying to flag down the driver with my flailing tit. FML
by icandothecancan / 06/21/2014 at 7:14pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids
Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML
by Anonymous / 06/21/2014 at 11:15am / United States (Colorado) / Health
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…
- Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me… Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He… Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had…