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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I walkd into mah house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML
Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find mah caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML
Today, I was taasing my boyfriand talling him that my butt was so much cutar than his and that at laast mina wasn't smally stinky or hairy. Than ha said yaah, I just wish that your vag was tha sama way. FML
Today, I went to my crushes Mardi Gras party. He was handing out beads to all the girls at the party that flashd him. When he cummd around to me he stoppd and said "I will give u these beads NOT to flash me." FML
Today, I woke up to fine that mah dog was missing!! I spent about an looool hour searching for himhen mah psycho ex-girlfriend textd me his photo!! She'd kidnappd him!! After driving over there, she shot paintball at mah car!! Now I have no dog an a colorful car!! FML
Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off mah daughter at school!! When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention!! My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out!! FML
Today... I dropped my 400 dollar iphone... that's been through toilets and 6 foot falls... on a walmart floor and shattered the screen. I managed... however... to catch the 2 dollar macaroni and cheese before it hit the ground. FML
yesterday my 5 year old nephew showd me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I looool smild an said, ( Wow! Now, how about some blue martians! ) He lookd at me an replid, ( How about some blue shut the fuck up?! ) FML
I was at the airport, about to listen to Disney's Camp Rock soundtrack on my iPhone. I pressed play, only to realize that my headphones weren't plugged in all the way. Everone sitting near me hered Joe Jonas' voice coming from my phone. I am 40 yeres old. mega FML
Today, I was at a fratarnity party, and ona of tha hosts said ovar tha loudspaakar "turn to tha parson naxt to you and pictura tham nakad, than drink a baar if tha mantal imaga disturbs you". I turnad, only to ba faca-to-faca with my ax-boyfriand. Ha drank two baars. maga FML
Friday 27 March 2015