Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Noxic

Search for a member

Noxic

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 11480
  • Number of comments : 49
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 60 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Noxic's page activity

Visits<b>ch2358</b> - the 11/21/2009 at 11:30pm<b>Jerhel</b> - the 11/13/2009 at 7:24pm<b>Darkodar</b> - the 11/11/2009 at 5:11pm<b>kayla_f_babyyy</b> - the 09/08/2009 at 2:50pm<b>prplr</b> - the 09/05/2009 at 6:10pm

Noxic's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Noxic's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to rid my son of his pacifier. He still uses it to sleep. My son is 20 years old. FML

#6783679
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31528) - you deserved it (22723)

On 12/16/2009 at 8:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, after many, many attempts to get her out of my life, the girl that is stalking me told me that she loves me and our love can only be ended by her killing either herself or me. FML

#6781373
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40536) - you deserved it (2156)

On 12/16/2009 at 6:55pm - love - by cheezmaster (man) - United States (California)

Today, it looked like rain so I held out my hand to catch a raindrop. When I finally caught one, I closed my hand over it and ran to show my friends to prove it was raining. I opened my hand saying, "Look! It's raining!" When I looked down, I saw that I had actually caught a bird shit. FML

#6779771
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10269) - you deserved it (28975)

On 12/16/2009 at 4:11pm - animals - by smellyhand (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

#6768891
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28183) - you deserved it (6923)

On 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend asked me why girls don't have armpit hair. FML

#6758302
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26919) - you deserved it (5416)

On 12/14/2009 at 11:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML

#6748934
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32245) - you deserved it (4015)

On 12/14/2009 at 4:05am - love - by luckygirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor to get a pulled arm muscle checked. I told him I had been bowling, and it had just started to hurt badly. He said it was normal for a man of my age (35) to pull a muscle when lifting a ball of 12-15 pounds. I then told him it was on my son's Wii. FML

#6748353
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9288) - you deserved it (24290)

On 12/14/2009 at 2:49am - health - by WIIslave (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML

#6730698
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26349) - you deserved it (3333)

On 12/12/2009 at 11:39pm - misc - by Normal (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML

#6722392
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40184) - you deserved it (3459)

On 12/12/2009 at 1:02pm - misc - by RBEE (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML

#6718371
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19144) - you deserved it (3663)

On 12/12/2009 at 2:28am - intimacy - by Laura_2118 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML

#6712676
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11528) - you deserved it (36709)

On 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

#6712384
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13852) - you deserved it (34910)

On 12/11/2009 at 7:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up and my boyfriend was already awake. Feeling in the mood I slipped off my nightdress and looked him in the eye. He looked me up and down, smiled seductively, reached over... and turned his PS3 on. FML

#6707808
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19976) - you deserved it (3624)

On 12/11/2009 at 11:44am - intimacy - by ps3isbetterthanme (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I told a customer at the drive-thru I couldn't hear him as he had his music blaring too loud. The customer then drove to the window and verbally abused me for listening to my iPod at work. My "iPod" is the headset we use to take orders at the drive-thru. FML

#6704507
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27319) - you deserved it (2081)

On 12/11/2009 at 1:23am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate. I wanted to make it last longer, so I tried thinking of something else. Suddenly she says, "What are you thinking?" I reply, "Dead puppies." This apparently turned her off more than it did me, because she got out of the bed. FML

#6700407
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5066) - you deserved it (24385)

On 12/10/2009 at 9:22pm - intimacy - by jlowder2 - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: