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Not_Ever_Telling

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Not_Ever_Telling
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 1 May 1993 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 8726
  • Number of comments : 46
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Not_Ever_Telling's FML badges

50 favourites

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Not_Ever_Telling's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

#13432324
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32664) - you deserved it (19790)

On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

#13426894
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5265) - you deserved it (57061)

On 10/12/2010 at 10:09pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I started college after a night out. I'd got tipsy at the club and started dancing with a cute guy. He asked for my number. I didn't want to give it to him, so I gave him a rejection number. Guess who's the new professor for my bio class? And yes, he recognized me. FML

#13424544
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12710) - you deserved it (30663)

On 10/12/2010 at 7:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I attended a musical. A new song was played, and I thought I'd heard it before because it sounded strangely familiar. I sang along quietly as the song progressed, positive I knew it. Anticipating the next chorus, I belted out the lyrics with all my heart. It was instrumental. FML

#13408997
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7062) - you deserved it (32631)

On 10/11/2010 at 6:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML

#13321339
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7400) - you deserved it (40729)

On 10/04/2010 at 8:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML

#13318955
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65706) - you deserved it (7415)

On 10/04/2010 at 5:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I visited my vacation cabin. I've been planning to sell it, and it was in perfect condition when I last visited about 6 months ago. I walked in the door to find the floor covered in muddy pawprints and bloody remainders of meals. It appears some bears moved in during my absence. FML

#13313277
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24136) - you deserved it (3020)

On 10/04/2010 at 2:46am - misc - by screwthewilderness (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

#13278835
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16548) - you deserved it (40053)

On 10/01/2010 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by caughtorangehanded (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the guy I like recommended I buy this computer game. Wanting to impress him, I agreed. Turns out it was a joke. I am now the proud owner of Microsoft Train Simulator 2005, and he can't stop laughing. FML

#13205814
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7827) - you deserved it (30236)

On 09/26/2010 at 4:14am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was bored so I got my little brother's toy spaceship and a teddy bear, went to my room and started flying them around, having dog fights, making explosion noises and humming epic orchestral music. My mom opened my bedroom door, showing our new hot female neighbour around the house. I'm 19. FML

#13203283
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11977) - you deserved it (32084)

On 09/26/2010 at 12:10am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to pour myself a cup of coffee and noticed our kittens were playing in the living room. Transfixed by the cuteness, I didn't notice I started pouring hot coffee on my hand and foot. FML

#13183751
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8871) - you deserved it (25575)

On 09/24/2010 at 3:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking and I jokingly stated "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

#13180863
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11757) - you deserved it (65743)

On 09/24/2010 at 7:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert for an hour, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML

#13180631
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30262) - you deserved it (3223)

On 09/24/2010 at 6:22am - misc - by Andrew - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

#13122832
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18592) - you deserved it (1614)

On 09/20/2010 at 12:47am - misc - by northernlass (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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