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Not_Ever_Telling

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Not_Ever_Telling
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 1 May 1993 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 8689
  • Number of comments : 46
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Not_Ever_Telling's FML badges

50 favourites

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Not_Ever_Telling's favorite FMLs

Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML

#13925537
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6273) - you deserved it (34316)

On 11/21/2010 at 2:07pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while driving home, I was so lonely I turned on my GPS, even though I knew the way, so it would feel like I had someone to talk to. It made me feel better. FML

#13854444
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28540) - you deserved it (4705)

On 11/15/2010 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I realized I've been playing too much Call of Duty. I started screaming, "Spawn, b*tch! Spawn!" at my microwavable pizza while it was in the microwave. FML

#13827261
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11049) - you deserved it (48251)

On 11/13/2010 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while at work, I got a call. They left a voicemail. It was a 7 minute voicemail of the mattress squeaking and my mom screaming my dad's name. I am going to their house for supper tonight. FML

#13822873
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27470) - you deserved it (2280)

On 11/13/2010 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Cantbreath94 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML

#13822314
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27505) - you deserved it (4948)

On 11/13/2010 at 12:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boss was watching taser pranks online, when he said he was going to "get me". We often take turns playing pranks on each other, and I was the last to prank him. Now I'm terrified to move or turn my back on anything other than a wall at work. FML

#13801647
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16896) - you deserved it (7652)

On 11/11/2010 at 12:46pm - work - by MrsKSB - United States (Texas)

Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML

#13798665
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54386) - you deserved it (3073) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/11/2010 at 3:40am - love - by Anonymous - France

Today, a girl who has had a problem with me for as long as I can remember, tagged me in a Facebook status update in which she equated my intelligence to that of a mollusk and equated my weight to that of a hippopotamus. My boyfriend, as well as several of my "friends," liked it. FML

#13789800
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24079) - you deserved it (3665)

On 11/10/2010 at 12:33pm - misc - by smarter than a mollusk, skinner than a hippo - United States

Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML

#13789664
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6112) - you deserved it (54568)

On 11/10/2010 at 12:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was writing my narrative essay for my English class. When I turned it in, I was really proud of what I thought I wrote. Evidently for some people listening to music while writing essays is a bad thing. My essay was filled with little bits of ZZ Top lyrics. FML

#13784109
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5912) - you deserved it (28330)

On 11/09/2010 at 11:00pm - work - by hwscrewed - United States (Texas)

Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML

#13777099
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5711) - you deserved it (4174)

On 11/09/2010 at 12:08pm - misc - by johnboy - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML

#13762266
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27634) - you deserved it (4914)

On 11/08/2010 at 5:55am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

#13756412
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18854) - you deserved it (56864)

On 11/07/2010 at 8:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML

#13753652
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21738) - you deserved it (3720)

On 11/07/2010 at 3:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)



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