About NocturnalCro : I rock the fuckin' house and kick some ass.
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NocturnalCro's favorite FMLs
by thatguy8878 / 06/26/2015 at 4:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
by fartz / 08/31/2013 at 2:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
by DefinitelyNotDogshit / 08/28/2013 at 12:06am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Holidays
by supertango500 / 03/11/2013 at 2:56pm / United States / Money
by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by phatdaddy62 / 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML
by and she doesn't even give bjs / 02/08/2013 at 7:44pm / Argentina (Distrito Federal) / Love
Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML
by district12 / 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Health
Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML
by Alyssa / 02/12/2012 at 7:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML
by dummy / 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
Today, I got excited because a snowman I had built lasted a whole week, which is uncommon in my mild climate area. I thought myself lucky, and that my life was turning around. Then I realized how lame my whole train of thought was. FML
by JoshuaRob / 03/03/2010 at 1:10am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML
by doesnttastegood / 02/01/2010 at 5:23am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML
by SleepyKirsty / 06/09/2009 at 9:36am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…