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Today, while sleeping over at mah girlfriend's house for the first time, I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to go back an once in the room asked, "You ready for round two baby?" The light cummed on an at this moment I realized I went into her parents bedroom by mistake. mega FML
TODAY, I DECIDED TO BE ADVENTUROU AN GIVE MY BOYFRIEND HEAD IN THE DOWNSTAIR TV ROOM. JUST AS HE WAS ABOUT TO CUM I HERED SOMEONE WALKING TOWARD THE DOOR. I TOOK MY MOUTH OFF TO GET UP AN LOCK THE DOOR JUST AS HE CAME. DIDN'T MAKE IT TO THE DOOR BUT MY DAD SAW SOMETHING HE WILL NEVER FORGET. FML
Today, I found out that one of my best mates had his backpack, clothes, an everything else in it stolen at an airport overseas. I was feeling sorry 4 him all day. It took me 9 hours to remember that I actually loaned him my backpack 4 his trip. FML
yesterday I was on Facebook chat with my boss , talking about holiday hours. I had to go to my doctor's appointment , so I said , ( G2G , love you ) accidentally. Not only did he say it back , but he also requestd a relationship with me on Facebook. FML
Taday I Was Walking Around In Target With Mah Friend An The Guy I've Liked Fir A Long Time. As We Approached The Patio Section, I Sat Down On A Chair Only To Hear A Big Wet Watery Sound. I Got Up An Realized That I Had Just Sat In Some Little Kid's Diarrhea. FML
Today... I was at a party with my girlfriend and this older guy came in and started talking to me about his rock climbing lessons earlier that week. I told him "I'm really drunk... so I really couldn't give a shit abouthat you did." It was my girlfriend's father picking her up to go home. mega FML
TODAY, AT THE AIRPORT, MY MOM BEGAN TALKING ABOUT HOW USELESS THE WAR IN IRAQ WAS, AND HOW DUMB THE SOLDIERS THAT SERVE THERE WERE FOR ENLISTING DURING THE WAR. THE SOLDIER AT THE VENDING MACHINE NEAR US CAUGHT MY EYE. I MOUTHD, "SORRY" AND HE MOUTHD, SLOWLY, "YOU FUCKIN' BETTER BE." FML
TODAY... I WANTED TO USE MAH GIFT CARD FOR A LIQUOR STORE. I WENT TO PAY THE CASHIER... WHO SAID HE NEEDED TO SEE MAH LICENSE. I GAVE IT TO HIM AS WELL AS MAH GIFT CARD. AFTER PAYING... HE ASKED ME IF I WANTED HIM TO CUT IT UP... SINCE THE CARD WAS NOW WORTH $0. I SAID YES. HE CUT THE WRONG CARD.
Taday I was alone in mah friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in mah head all day so I decidd to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I hered a noise outside an saw mah friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML
yesterday I was on a roller coaster and this 13 year old sitting next to me was completely terrified. To cheer him up, I threw mah hands in the air. While mah hands were up, we hit a curve and I elbowed him in the face, making him cry. fat FML
Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML
Yesterday,hile working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work an annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in aheelchair opened the door. FML
today while showering, mah 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all mah makeup!! Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots!! Afterward, I sent the images to all mah friends and family!! Then I realizd the reflection on the mirror was me fully nakd!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015