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Today, my mother surprised me with a new alarm clock. It's attached to a toy car which races around my room with obnoxious sirens going at full blast until I crawl out of bed and turn it off. She says this will be a regular thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14473) - you deserved it (8475)
On 02/28/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by poop - United States
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19679) - you deserved it (1625)
On 02/20/2012 at 9:15pm - misc - by Carpet cleaner (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was on a date with a guy I've been crushing on. In the middle of the dinner, he said he had to go get something from his car. When I asked what it was, he smiled and said it was a surprise. I waited for my surprise for half an hour. Then I decided to pay the bill and go home and cry. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44958) - you deserved it (2322)
On 02/02/2012 at 1:00pm - love - by kingpig (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)
Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23282) - you deserved it (3100)
On 02/01/2012 at 3:19am - intimacy - by crybaby - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19003) - you deserved it (4311)
On 01/18/2012 at 6:30am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia
Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (20172) - you deserved it (6485)
On 01/14/2012 at 1:52am - intimacy - by haggisbowl - United States
Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18249) - you deserved it (2995)
On 01/08/2012 at 9:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16141) - you deserved it (28370)
Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31511) - you deserved it (3750) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16535) - you deserved it (4152)
On 12/20/2011 at 9:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17462) - you deserved it (4419)
On 12/20/2011 at 12:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)
Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24848) - you deserved it (1738)
On 12/19/2011 at 12:48pm - misc - by stinkyhair (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27870) - you deserved it (4963)
On 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm - kids - by DocBastard (man) - Reserved
Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22145) - you deserved it (2133)
On 12/14/2011 at 10:34pm - misc - by Mariah Heimann - United States (Illinois)
Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8557) - you deserved it (66036)
On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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