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Today, I took my kids to the mall to see Santa. While waiting in line, my eldest got bored and loudly complained, "I don't know why we're here. Santa's not even real." I don't think any of the kids within a hundred feet took the news very well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21446) - you deserved it (2888)
On 12/05/2011 at 6:32pm - kids - by santashelper - United States
Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24477) - you deserved it (2852)
On 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, it's the second week into my new neighbors' routine. He works nights, she works days. He likes to blast out Slayer and Napalm Death all day, she likes to drunkenly sing out of tune to Adele all night. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21532) - you deserved it (1705)
On 11/26/2011 at 1:03am - misc - by Help - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I tried to break up with my girlfriend because I feel unappreciated. She fell asleep while I was attempting this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24844) - you deserved it (3042)
On 11/12/2011 at 1:41am - love - by kirrby - United States (Nevada)
Today, while cuddling up on the couch with my boyfriend, I asked him if this was his happy place too. He said, "Nah, it's in pussies." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22814) - you deserved it (7024)
On 11/05/2011 at 2:58pm - intimacy - by whatadisappointmnet (woman) - United States
Today, one of my neighbors dressed up in the exact same costume as me. Every house I go to refuses to give me candy because my neighbor has already been there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23571) - you deserved it (2180)
On 10/31/2011 at 8:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything was going great, and even the veterans on the force were warming up to me. That is until my mother came into the station carrying a brown bag for my lunch. Written on the bag was, "Lunch for my big boy. I love you, pumpkin." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29929) - you deserved it (4317)
On 10/25/2011 at 2:46pm - work - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my parents staged a family intervention and gave me the grandest bollocking I've ever experienced in all my 22 years of life. They did this because my sister showed them a photo of me jokingly posing with three bottles of Bud Light at a party. Apparently, I'm an alcoholic in denial. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18400) - you deserved it (3102)
On 10/24/2011 at 6:46pm - misc - by wtf (man) - United Kingdom (York)
Today, at my mom's wedding, I tripped as I was walking down the aisle. I was holding the train of her dress. It ripped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23598) - you deserved it (3154)
On 10/23/2011 at 7:58pm - misc - by TitMunch - United States (Maryland)
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35793) - you deserved it (3758)
On 10/20/2011 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by boopadoop - United States
Today, my dad came to confiscate my phone. I stuck it in between my boobs so he wouldn't be able to see it. He said, "Honey, your breasts aren't big enough to hide that." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11125) - you deserved it (27734)
On 10/08/2011 at 1:03pm - misc - by G - United States (California)
Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22082) - you deserved it (4973)
On 09/24/2011 at 7:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was sent home from work early because of structural issues. I walked in on my unemployed boyfriend cuddling another woman on the couch. When I confronted them, he freaked out and kept trying to convince me that I was dreaming. I don't know what I ever saw in this loser. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29946) - you deserved it (3008)
Today, my girlfriend gave me a speech on me "not being manly enough". I started crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13956) - you deserved it (42164)
On 09/17/2011 at 4:17am - love - by Anonymous - South Africa (Gauteng)
Today, I finished the first month of a diet and exercise program designed to help me lose weight. To keep myself motivated, I have avoided the scale the entire time. I weighed myself today. I've gained 6 pounds. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20599) - you deserved it (3878)
On 09/14/2011 at 2:21pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)
Monday 20 May 2013
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