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  • Number of visits : 1543
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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NinjaTurtlexXx's FML badges

Santa Claus

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NinjaTurtlexXx's favorite FMLs

Today, my parents woke me up at 4 am and informed me of their impending divorce. They then woke me up again three hours later and told me "never mind". This same routine happens several times a month. FML

by iloveryanhiga / 08/05/2011 at 5:27am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

by makeitstop / 08/04/2011 at 9:41am / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, I was presented with a bill for $27,601 by my single, alcoholic, deadbeat father. Why? "For having to raise your goddamn lazy ass." FML

by bigbill / 08/03/2011 at 12:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Money

Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML

by iannie / 07/31/2011 at 5:45pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I got a completely random boner at a coffee shop, five seconds before two attractive women asked me to stand up and take their picture. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2011 at 1:11pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, it was hot out, so I opted to stay cool and wear my bathing suit all day. My mom took it as me rubbing in the fact that I'm thinner than her and grounded me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2011 at 4:21pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, whenever I do something that the kid I am babysitting likes, he pats me on the head and says "good girl". I'm whipped by a seven year old. FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2011 at 2:03pm / United States / Kids

Today, after being in love with one of my best friends for ages, he took me on a date. We then went back to his place and we made love. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to show me something and led me outside. He ran back in and locked the door. It's a two hour walk home. FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2011 at 7:04am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML

by anon / 07/14/2011 at 9:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my best friend told me to face my fear of cows and hop over the fence in with them. This resulted in me being chased by a raging cow, and thrusting myself head first over a fence. FML

by MooCow / 07/12/2011 at 11:13pm / United States (Montana) / Animals

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

by couldntholdit / 07/12/2011 at 1:09pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML

by Yoda / 07/08/2011 at 1:23am / United States (New York) / Geek

Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes, she was serious. I'm Jewish. FML

by anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 11:21am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend said that to be extra careful he's been taking my birth control pills too. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2011 at 9:55am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML

by grizzlybear / 06/27/2011 at 1:55am / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Intimacy