NinjaTurtlexXx

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Offline (the 07/02/2015 at 5:07am)

NinjaTurtlexXx

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  • Number of visits : 1162
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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NinjaTurtlexXx's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

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NinjaTurtlexXx's favorite FMLs

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was sad, but the only thing my mom could say was, "You should have waited until I got him to mow the lawn." FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2014 at 9:04am / Israel / Love

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML

by Anonymous / 03/08/2014 at 6:13pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my boss for a few days off next week, because my grandmother passed away yesterday and I'll need to travel to attend the funeral. His response: "She's dead, you're not. You want time off, then quit." FML

by GLHan / 03/07/2014 at 5:31pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my mother asked me why her new airsoft gun wasn't working. I explained to her that it doesn't actually shoot air, it requires pellets too. She looked at me like I was too stupid to be her son. FML

by Drizztreri / 03/04/2014 at 7:09pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, my roommate pranked me by putting blue food coloring in the shower head. I have class in 20 minutes and look like a smurf. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2014 at 11:30am / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my boyfriend's adoptive family. There was his mom and several brothers, one of whom tried to hit on me. They tried to convince my boyfriend to break up with me, and his mom told me I'll probably get knocked up by the brother who hit on me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2014 at 1:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

by BakedBat / 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 10:20am / United States (Nevada) / Animals

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

by assoutofuandme / 02/14/2013 at 2:39am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out my birthday is the same day as his, and he thinks we are twins who were separated at birth. FML

by okay then / 02/13/2013 at 5:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML

by please leave... / 02/13/2013 at 2:33pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, working as a waitress, I was asked by a customer, yet again, how my baby was doing. I don't have a baby, but I do look very similar to my 25-year-old coworker, who's a new mom. People confuse us all the time. Unfortunately, my crush, who was standing nearby, doesn't know that. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 12:12am / United States (California) / Work