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Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
I agree, your life sucks (3857) - you totally deserved it (1391)
On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)
Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4029) - you totally deserved it (986)
On 01/31/2010 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by unsatisfied (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked. He grabs my breasts and then begins to sing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts." He is 22. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5500) - you totally deserved it (2083)
On 01/04/2010 at 9:27pm - intimacy - by ambermcnulty - Sent from a mobile version
Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2693) - you totally deserved it (9226)
On 12/28/2009 at 5:16am - intimacy - by Dontworryaboutit (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend. Things got a little hot and I started to pull up my shirt. She screamed and told me to stop because the innocence of her stuffed animals was at stake. We are 18, and she was dead serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7143) - you totally deserved it (1117)
On 12/25/2009 at 2:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I dropped my camera down 4 flights of circular stairs from the top of a lighthouse. Everything worked, it just had a few dents. Then, as I went to put it in my pocket, I missed. It fell 3 feet and hit the floor. Now it won't turn on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16126) - you totally deserved it (8882)
On 12/04/2009 at 6:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that although he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was actually shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24962) - you totally deserved it (1269)
On 12/04/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by tawan - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I had to take a test that's required to pass the class. The test administor told us that those of us who were wearing hoodies would have to take them off. I would have taken mine off, but I was only wearing a bra underneath. There's no other days I can reschedule the test. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19331) - you totally deserved it (7722)
On 12/04/2009 at 2:55am - misc - by wearashirt (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I posted a note on Facebook about a weird dream I had about my ex-boyfriend, where I made out with him, then it transitioned into a vampires vs. werewolves battle. My ex private messages me and says there's a better chance of a vampires vs. werewolves battle than us ever making out again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5214) - you totally deserved it (23317)
On 12/03/2009 at 2:34pm - love - by ohiochibi (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my sister was dumped by her boyfriend. As my mother was comforting her, I overheard her say "Honey, it's okay, you're the pretty one. Think of those worse off than you. Think of your sister, she might never get a boyfriend." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32587) - you totally deserved it (1314)
On 12/02/2009 at 5:27pm - love - by UglySister - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I looked outside with a grimace at the very heavy rainfall through which I had to trudge a long way. I waited ten minutes for it to let up, only to find it was getting heavier. So, I started walking anyway. After getting soaked to the bone, I walked through my door, and it stopped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15113) - you totally deserved it (1576)
On 12/02/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by Furry (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, I was driving down a highway during rush-hour. I heard my phone ring and couldn't find it. I bent down to feel around for it and got in an accident and totaled my car. The ringing? A commercial on the radio. Where was my phone? On my dresser at home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5296) - you totally deserved it (39165)
On 12/01/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by horribledriver (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30652) - you totally deserved it (4770)
On 12/01/2009 at 4:11pm - misc - by xXxJoe16xXx - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6524) - you totally deserved it (18463)
On 12/01/2009 at 12:25pm - work - by Jen (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was in line in the grocery store with my 3 year old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had a cow with sunglasses on on it. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29621) - you totally deserved it (1503)
On 11/30/2009 at 1:59pm - misc - by annonymous - United States (California)
