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MysteryJoker

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MysteryJoker
  • Town/Country : Las Vegas, U.S
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 30 December 1990 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 2762
  • Number of comments : 109
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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MysteryJoker's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

See all of MysteryJoker's badges

MysteryJoker's favorite FMLs

Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

#20965644
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53378) - you deserved it (11418)

On 11/21/2013 at 11:10am - misc - by smooth (man) - United States

Today, the creepy kid on the bus saved me a seat again. Thinking he wanted to be friends, I followed him on twitter. He was doing a live video feed so I checked it out. It was of me. FML

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

#20895155
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40727) - you deserved it (3635)

On 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm - work - by littledipper - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

#7420693
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46045) - you deserved it (7424)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my estranged, alcoholic father decided to tell me I have a sister. After 30 mins of him describing how beautiful she is and how much we look alike and how she has lived one town away from me her entire life, I was excited to the point of tears. Too bad she died a year ago. Thanks dad. FML

#7415965
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36502) - you deserved it (1712)

On 01/18/2010 at 6:49am - misc - by Mills (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML

#6602015
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29575) - you deserved it (12292)

On 12/04/2009 at 5:01pm - misc - by lamed (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

#6318893
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40120) - you deserved it (1813)

On 11/15/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to see the cast list for the new musical I'm in. I didn't get the part I wanted, and instead I got the part of one of the suitors. Interestingly, they made me the suitor to my ex. And the guy she leaves me for at the end of the musical is the guy she left me for in real life. FML

#6298620
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37424) - you deserved it (2421)

On 11/14/2009 at 7:59am - love - by Indoraptor (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML

#6281731
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28804) - you deserved it (8095)

On 11/12/2009 at 11:19pm - kids - by snapped (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

#6276981
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26039) - you deserved it (6897)

On 11/12/2009 at 7:05pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I returned home for the first time in a year, and found my entire computer missing. I asked my grandma about this, and she told me that she threw "the TV" away because it "no longer responded to the remote control." FML

#6270812
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34763) - you deserved it (2460)

On 11/12/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by missmycomp (man) - Singapore

Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML

#6268890
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36563) - you deserved it (3836)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:17am - kids - by Teaching (man) - United States (California)

Today, at my school's Midnight Madness, I was selected to show my school spirit in a contest. Being drunk, I decided to hump the school mascot in front of 300 people. FML

#6065931
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5802) - you deserved it (45287)

On 10/30/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by skyhawk13 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML

#5466637
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32540) - you deserved it (14988)

On 09/25/2009 at 2:16pm - love - by looking (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

#4882481
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60646) - you deserved it (15379)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)



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