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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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MxTori

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MxTori
  • Town/Country : Brooklyn, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 17 April 1990 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 5245
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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MxTori's favorite FMLs

Today, I stumbled upon my boyfriend's Facebook. His second Facebook. On which I also stumbled upon his second girlfriend. FML

#971571 (156)

I agree, your life sucks (75823) - you deserved it (3730)

On 04/14/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by Moisdone - United States (Florida)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348 (832)

I agree, your life sucks (32056) - you deserved it (381715)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

#483516 (190)

I agree, your life sucks (25433) - you deserved it (92178)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (363029) - you deserved it (401371)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my guidance counselor and told her how I'd been fascinated with space since I was 12, had read about the universe and everything, and how I want to be an astrologist when I grow up. She stared at me for a second, before saying, "But you're... stupid." FML

#233372 (245)

I agree, your life sucks (54227) - you deserved it (13017)

On 03/07/2009 at 11:10am - misc - by astroloser (woman) - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, I went to the ER for severe pain in my abdominal area. The doctor comes in after looking at the CT scan and says, "Well it's not your appendix." Thinking I'm in the clear I say, "That's Awesome", the doctor then responded with "It's probably your testicles." FML

#228844 (43)

I agree, your life sucks (48513) - you deserved it (1454)

On 03/06/2009 at 7:43pm - health - by 06SuFi (man) - United States (North Carolina)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

#168595 (52)

I agree, your life sucks (48251) - you deserved it (190114)

On 03/01/2009 at 4:08am - intimacy - by Sad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was just wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and um...stuff. FML

#168503 (124)

I agree, your life sucks (66784) - you deserved it (9960)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:45am - health - by Monty (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone that I lost. On the flyer I wrote for whoever found it to call me and I would give a reward. I wrote the phone number of my iPhone that I lost. FML

#165039 (53)

I agree, your life sucks (12993) - you deserved it (91082)

On 02/28/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by Mike (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my fiancee broke up with me. Via a myspace message. While we were in the same apartment. FML

#163689 (225)

I agree, your life sucks (230385) - you deserved it (15779)

On 02/28/2009 at 7:22pm - love - by loser (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I drank for every year I've been in school. While in my bed I decided I was too drunk to get up and throw up in the bathroom so I decided to just do it on my floor and clean it up later. Later on I woke up and realized I threw up on my $1000 laptop. FML

#153348 (122)

I agree, your life sucks (18112) - you deserved it (145296)

On 02/27/2009 at 3:28pm - health - by ugh!! (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

#148827 (124)

I agree, your life sucks (93663) - you deserved it (7268)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

#142795 (426)

I agree, your life sucks (174463) - you deserved it (40151)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend across the street. I was walking with a girl whom I'd been hooking up with and wanted to make my ex-girlfriend jealous. I kissed her and she immediately smacked me. I got a "ha-ha" text message from my ex. FML

#142749 (62)

I agree, your life sucks (11902) - you deserved it (72964)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

#126669 (323)

I agree, your life sucks (95913) - you deserved it (16562)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)