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About MrsPegg : I love reading about poor souls and their sh*tty days. Priding myself on taking joy out of others misery. Been on FML for a while now and am currently in a psychiatric program for my severe and utter intolerance to bullsh*t.
For those special ones who like to use FML as a dating platform: I like guns, fast cars, whiskey, astrology, zombie/horror/thriller/action movies, long walks on the beach, deep/intellectual conversation, puppies/kittehs, controversial conversation, romance and roses.
Hopefully you'll know and see that most of the time I'm being sarcastic or pulling your chain... You're warned.
I also will give a fuck, for a fuck. Fucks for fucks sake. Just shoot me a fucking message if you want one, because I can't keep up with the fucking profile views.
Last but surely not least: My range picture was with a Kimber 1911 .45 at 35 feet.
One more and it's business time
You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.
How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!
Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless guy who smelled like Jimmy Hoffa's colon grabbed me, pinned me to a wall, and demanded that I hand over my "booty". I don't know whether or not I was mugged by Jack Sparrow, but either way, he's now over £100 richer. FML
Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
Today, I realized that whenever I use emoticons, I tend to make the same face in real life. My coworkers gleefully showed me various pictures with my tongue out, face scrunched up, and so on, while staring at my phone. They've already made their way around the office. FML
Today, I auditioned for the role of Rizzo in a local production of Grease. The director told me I wasn't tough enough, and that my persona too sweet and childlike for the part. I asked if I should instead try out to play Sandy. He replied "I was being nice. Honestly, you're ugly and can't act." FML
Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML
Today, I was babysitting a four-year-old girl, when I came across a toy that sang the Macarena. For fun, I decided to teach her the dance. When she showed her parents, instead of putting her hands on her backside and turning, she decided to bend over and moon them. FML
Today, I finally bought the expensive but beautifully stylish dress I've been eyeing for ages online. Ten minutes later, I went back to check the shoes the model was wearing so I could coordinate my outfit. The dress had been reduced to half price. FML
Friday 26 June 2015