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About MrsPegg : I love reading about poor souls and their sh*tty days. Priding myself on taking joy out of others misery. Been on FML for a while now and am currently in a psychiatric program for my severe and utter intolerance to bullsh*t.
For those special ones who like to use FML as a dating platform: I like guns, fast cars, whiskey, astrology, zombie/horror/thriller/action movies, long walks on the beach, deep/intellectual conversation, puppies/kittehs, controversial conversation, romance and roses.
Hopefully you'll know and see that most of the time I'm being sarcastic or pulling your chain... You're warned.
I also will give a fuck, for a fuck. Fucks for fucks sake. Just shoot me a fucking message if you want one, because I can't keep up with the fucking profile views.
Last but surely not least: My range picture was with a Kimber 1911 .45 at 35 feet.
One more and it's business time
You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.
How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!
Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML
Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML
Today, as I was putting stuff into the back of my car, a man walked by and said I looked "super fine." When I looked up to look him in the face, he immediately looked disgusted and basically ran away. Apparently, my face does that. FML
Today, I received a beautiful, heart-felt text from my boyfriend detailing all the ways he loved me. He probably should have emphasized just how big his heart is though because he sent the text to three other women too. Thank you, group messaging. FML
Today, a guy hit on me. It's such a rare occurrence that I didn't know how to react, so I panicked and said "Sorry, I have to go!" Then I remembered we were on a bus, and just turned around and awkwardly pretended he wasn't there. FML
Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML
Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML
Friday 24 July 2015