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MrMassive

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MrMassive
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 285
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

#19941503
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18384) - you deserved it (2662)

On 07/15/2012 at 3:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

#18465913
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8733) - you deserved it (67996)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML

#18334271
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22619) - you deserved it (1596)

On 11/24/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by JWhite - United States (California)

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

#18254256
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22461) - you deserved it (13982)

On 11/15/2011 at 9:38am - animals - by yuck - United Kingdom (Bolton)

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

#17556947
399 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24084) - you deserved it (4190)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

#16468673
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34730) - you deserved it (5055)

On 06/02/2011 at 2:43pm - kids - by fuck (man) - United States

Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML

#13561698
349 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47709) - you deserved it (3383)

On 10/23/2010 at 12:01pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was taking care of a friend's hamster. Thinking the hamster wanted to make a bed, I put some cotton balls in his cage so he would be comfy. He promptly ate them and died. FML

#12781273
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13331) - you deserved it (34270)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:56am - animals - by Kelli (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

#6683898
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6577) - you deserved it (31476)

On 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

#6683898
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6577) - you deserved it (31476)

On 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a final test online that would account for 65% of my final grade. I had worked extremely hard in that class. I had one submission for the test. My roommate thought it would be funny to click the "Submit All" Button while i was getting a glass of water. I got a 13%. FML

#6230724
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36838) - you deserved it (2837)

On 11/09/2009 at 5:13pm - work - by Failure (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at a bar with my friends for my 19th birthday when I saw my dad grinding some chick that was not my mom. I confronted him and told him I was telling mom. He then pointed across the bar to my mom with another man. I just found out my parents are swingers. FML

#4254409
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64626) - you deserved it (4723)

On 08/03/2009 at 12:33pm - intimacy - by myparentsarehoes (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

#2722142
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79298) - you deserved it (19065)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

#1600117
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16483) - you deserved it (101009)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by htothecr (woman) - United States (Maine)



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