MrMassive

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MrMassive

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 732
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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MrMassive's page activity

Visits<b>Tezoma</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 3:40am<b>mutiplyyou</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 5:14pm<b>Zarniclopsindorf</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 9:17pm<b>SweetSociopathy</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 1:21am<b>sanuxo_</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 6:21pm<b>penashmul</b> - the 09/01/2014 at 12:29pm<b>SirAnon</b> - the 02/21/2014 at 11:46am

MrMassive's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

MrMassive's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2012 at 3:09pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

by blondie101 / 12/09/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML

by JWhite / 11/24/2011 at 3:42am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

by yuck / 11/15/2011 at 9:38am / United Kingdom (Bolton) / Animals

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

by Andrew / 08/23/2011 at 10:46am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

by fuck / 06/02/2011 at 2:43pm / United States / Kids

Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2010 at 12:01pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was taking care of a friend's hamster. Thinking the hamster wanted to make a bed, I put some cotton balls in his cage so he would be comfy. He promptly ate them and died. FML

by Kelli / 08/28/2010 at 12:56am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was taking a final test online that would account for 65% of my final grade. I had worked extremely hard in that class. I had one submission for the test. My roommate thought it would be funny to click the "Submit All" Button while i was getting a glass of water. I got a 13%. FML

by Failure / 11/09/2009 at 5:13pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I was at a bar with my friends for my 19th birthday when I saw my dad grinding some chick that was not my mom. I confronted him and told him I was telling mom. He then pointed across the bar to my mom with another man. I just found out my parents are swingers. FML

by myparentsarehoes / 08/03/2009 at 12:33pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Intimacy

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

by OhGeez / 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML

by Rhyno / 05/05/2009 at 11:37am / United States (New York) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

by htothecr / 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous