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Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29398) - you deserved it (7938) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 08/23/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by thekriss - Sent from mobile version
Today, I had a hard time taking a dump. Before flushing, I noticed two pennies and a dime incrusted in my turd. It seems that yesterday, while drunk, I swallowed some change. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4321) - you deserved it (18133)
On 08/23/2012 at 2:54am - money - by chrisbravo - United States
Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19591) - you deserved it (1524)
On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
I agree, your life sucks (3499) - you deserved it (34106)
On 07/14/2012 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Nigeria (Lagos)
Today, I went to the grocery store with three bags full of sausages that I'd drunkenly bought the night before. Even though the manager remembered me, he wouldn't give me a refund, and now I'll be lucky if I can pay my rent this month. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4184) - you deserved it (22211)
On 07/13/2012 at 4:13pm - misc - by minaaaaajftw (man) - Norway (Akershus)
Today, I found out that my wife and two teenage daughters' periods are all one week after the other. I am living in hell almost every single day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27784) - you deserved it (3480)
On 06/14/2012 at 10:54am - misc - by anonymous - China (Jiangsu)
Today, I got into a fight with my mom, and stormed out of the house. I walked two blocks before realizing that I have no place to go, and no friends to vent to. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19000) - you deserved it (4919)
On 06/06/2012 at 2:51pm - misc - by edhere4u2nv (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23476) - you deserved it (1759)
On 06/01/2012 at 4:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)
Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15337) - you deserved it (4978)
On 05/21/2012 at 1:56am - intimacy - by morethanredhands -
Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6132) - you deserved it (27249)
On 04/11/2012 at 12:46pm - work - by Spudzy (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that person is me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16642) - you deserved it (1741)
On 04/09/2012 at 1:07am - misc - by Foreveralone (woman) - United States
Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8165) - you deserved it (45179)
On 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by brooke (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had just finished up at work. I was standing on a street corner, waiting to cross to get to my car on the other side. I had three people pull up beside me and ask me how much I charged. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18287) - you deserved it (6789)
On 03/15/2012 at 4:44pm - love - by W45T3D_Y0UTH (woman) - Canada
Today, a telemarketer called me and asked if they could speak to my "mommy or daddy". I am 25 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16563) - you deserved it (1652)
On 03/15/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I found out that my favorite song since I was a small child is actually about anal sex and delaying an orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22888) - you deserved it (3957)
On 02/19/2012 at 6:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymoosey - Canada
Monday 20 May 2013
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