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Today, my best friend and I went to the movies. There was a hot cashier, so I thought it would be cool to talk in a British accent to try and be sexy. I walked up and started talking when he interrupted me and said in a very heavy British accent, "I know you're faking. You can stop now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (4849) - you deserved it (39678)
On 10/10/2009 at 2:10am - work - by dammitt (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I got a phone call for a interview at Target at 4:30 pm. I got super excited, so I got dressed up and headed over there. I tell the manager that I am there for my interview. He doesn't know what I'm talking about. My friends had prank called me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28701) - you deserved it (2234)
On 09/24/2009 at 8:11pm - work - by Pho_Rheal (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I surprised my girlfriend with U2 tickets. Still no action. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9727) - you deserved it (22178)
On 09/24/2009 at 12:30am - intimacy - by loveless (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at my friends house for the first time in months. I saw her newest chihuahua dog, Mickey, and he was excited that new people were over. I picked him up and slightly bounced him in the air. Because of the bounce and his excitement, he peed a little bit, straight into my eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12226) - you deserved it (21742)
On 09/23/2009 at 1:55am - animals - by GreatAim - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was trying to look cute in front of this really nice guy. I sure hope he thinks smacking into a pole, rebounding backwards and knocking over an old man is cute. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9875) - you deserved it (25198)
On 09/18/2009 at 12:14am - love - by mudafkrmas (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I told my friend over videochat every explicit detail of what I had in store for my boyfriend later on in the day. I only realized afterwards that her whispering during the story was her way of trying to tell me her dad was in the room listening to the whole thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4690) - you deserved it (18955)
On 09/01/2009 at 8:59pm - intimacy - by whorica139 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my mom explained to me that looking up gay porn on the internet is bad. I didn't look up gay porn. The only other person who uses the laptop is my dad. I couldn't tell her the truth and had to pretend I enjoy gay fanfiction. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47149) - you deserved it (3629)
On 08/19/2009 at 12:41am - misc - by weeks (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11018) - you deserved it (50229)
On 08/18/2009 at 9:13pm - love - by litterbox_girl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15308) - you deserved it (27784)
On 08/12/2009 at 3:02pm - misc - by signupsheetfail (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to visit teachers at the high school I graduated from 3 months ago as valedictorian. Turns out, I had an expired parking permit, and I didn't properly get a visitor pass. The school went into a "yellow lockdown" because of me. My car was towed. I got arrested for trespassing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33885) - you deserved it (6058)
On 08/06/2009 at 8:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I took my best friend out for a night in town, after he got dumped by his girlfriend recently. As we were walking around, we passed a group of hot women, a couple who were checking him out. Trying to be encouraging, I said "He's single!" and winked. One of the girls was his ex-girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32147) - you deserved it (7358)
On 08/04/2009 at 12:15pm - love - by badbestfriend (man) - United States (California)
Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39048) - you deserved it (20648)
On 07/25/2009 at 12:39pm - money - by re2K5 (man) - Korea Republic of (Kyongsang-bukto)
Today, I said to our pool-boy, "I know what you're doing, and you have to stop it." He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47713) - you deserved it (6274)
On 07/23/2009 at 7:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit and she screamed "Don't touch me there!". Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38753) - you deserved it (5025)
On 07/15/2009 at 7:22pm - kids - by shway (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my crush came over and we began to fool around. He started to kiss my stomach, and just when I was getting into it, he pulled away with a disgusted look on his face, wiped his mouth, and said, "We'll continue this when you get rid of all your bellybutton lint." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15696) - you deserved it (44482)
On 07/14/2009 at 5:41am - intimacy - by unlucky_number13 (woman) - United States (California)
Friday 24 May 2013
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