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MissIconic's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML
by Anonymous / 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
by diggingaplotforone / 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
by checkup / 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Intimacy
by smh / 05/13/2012 at 6:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Scarred / 04/03/2012 at 11:27pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals
Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horse-shit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML
by Alfie4 / 03/05/2012 at 5:30pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
Today, I met my son for the first time since I had to put him up for adoption over two decades ago. I wanted to make amends and get to know him. Instead, all I got to know was how well he can throw a punch. FML
by me / 01/13/2012 at 8:38pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was using my boyfriend's phone to call my mom. A text message arrived from "Christina" that said, "Just put the kids to bed, come over." He swears they're only work buddies, but refuses to tell her he has a girlfriend, to avoid making things weird at work. We've been together two years. FML
by Beantown girl / 10/30/2011 at 8:58pm / United States / Love
by QuickieGirl / 09/16/2011 at 7:28am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by thoughtitwasspecial / 05/18/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by failed / 02/23/2011 at 5:06am / Switzerland (Vaud) / Intimacy
by ballnchain / 03/30/2010 at 12:04pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, I was hanging out with my friends. My friend started talking about how unfair it is that women can use their breasts to get promotions. I told him that he has no place to talk, as he used his "d*ck" a few months ago with his female boss. His girlfriend of 3 years was sitting next to me. FML
by konichiwa / 11/02/2009 at 5:03pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was riding in the car with my boyfriend. While he was driving, I held out my hand as an offer for him to hold it. Instead, he grabs me by the wrist and shoves my hand down his pants. Lovely. FML
by DanceOnTheEdge / 07/19/2009 at 9:23pm / United States (New York) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the… Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…