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Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML
I agree, your life sucks (107435) - you deserved it (10692)
On 04/19/2009 at 10:09pm - health - by Litterbox (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (382436) - you deserved it (21600)
On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (128994) - you deserved it (6535)
On 04/17/2009 at 9:19pm - intimacy - by gringa_Peru (woman) - Peru (Lima)
Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML
I agree, your life sucks (76991) - you deserved it (2747)
On 04/17/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by wellesleybanana (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my mom asked if she could use my red dress for her two-week trip to the Caribbean. I said no, because I was going to a party and I wanted to wear it. She called me a selfish, greedy bitch who would stay single forever. I paid for her plane ticket, her hotel fees and her cruise ship fee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (144959) - you deserved it (8114)
On 04/14/2009 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, my boyfriend of 17 months, the first guy to tell me he loves me, the guy I lost my virginity to, the only guy whose parents I've met, told me we should stop 'hooking up' because it's weird that I was telling everyone we were a couple and it was ruining his chances of finding a girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (241409) - you deserved it (20550)
On 04/14/2009 at 11:21am - love - by hannah (woman) - United Kingdom (Devon)
Today, the guy that I like took me on to the Cavaliers game. At the game, on the jumbotron they do a thing where they show couples and have them kiss, the camera goes on to us and as I go into kiss him he turns and says "not in this lifetime". The entire stadium got to see me get rejected. FML
I agree, your life sucks (108055) - you deserved it (6893)
On 04/12/2009 at 6:40pm - love - by cavgirl (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML
I agree, your life sucks (176819) - you deserved it (19149)
On 04/10/2009 at 1:11am - animals - by lanbon182 - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML
I agree, your life sucks (93921) - you deserved it (4011)
On 04/08/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Crazy09 - United States (Michigan)
Today, I saw the blueprints for my family's new house. My room is half the size of the room next to it. The room next to it is my step mom's walk-in closet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (136812) - you deserved it (6048)
On 04/07/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by Powerfool (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (276985) - you deserved it (23330)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (327559) - you deserved it (45373)
On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML
I agree, your life sucks (111750) - you deserved it (8386)
On 04/02/2009 at 6:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (137736) - you deserved it (8752)
On 03/31/2009 at 10:17am - health - by warp_routine (woman) - United States (Vermont)
Today, a 7 year old girl came up to me and told me to fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard this conversation, she came up to me and told me to fuck myself as well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (193717) - you deserved it (18055)
On 03/30/2009 at 1:06am - kids - by Wmsys32pr9 (man) - United States (Washington)
Friday 24 May 2013
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