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Midnightpearls

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Midnightpearls
  • Town/Country : Albion, MI
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 771
  • Number of comments : 79
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 33 posted

About Midnightpearls : I'm just a random girl, one of many...

Midnightpearls's last visitors

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Midnightpearls's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Midnightpearls's badges

Midnightpearls's favorite FMLs

Today, my bra clasp broke in the middle of a job interview. I got the job on the spot. I'm scared to report into work. FML

#20407793
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26966) - you deserved it (3512)

On 12/19/2012 at 5:06pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML

#20193528
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19004) - you deserved it (3009)

On 12/06/2012 at 6:50am - love - by FMyEx - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML

#20117718
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18937) - you deserved it (1972)

On 10/15/2012 at 3:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa

Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML

#20103084
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17182) - you deserved it (1508)

On 10/05/2012 at 4:25pm - health - by sharky (man) - United States

Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML

#20020463
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20823) - you deserved it (1681)

On 08/14/2012 at 11:02am - love - by WELLFUCKYOUTOO (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

#20015702
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26640) - you deserved it (7724)

On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML

#19903031
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58973) - you deserved it (4705)

On 07/07/2012 at 12:45am - health - by Dammit - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML

#19644251
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19603) - you deserved it (4281)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:41pm - money - by me (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML

#19305380
7 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16135) - you deserved it (11611)

On 03/19/2012 at 12:59am - kids - by FoodyFood (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

#19249399
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20723) - you deserved it (17834)

On 03/10/2012 at 1:50am - misc - by starboy - United States (California)

Today, I noticed a flash car badly parking itself in a handicapped space. I hate the asshats who do this, so I went up to berate the driver. After an opening salvo of coarse language, a glint of light on his wheelchair in the back caught my eye. I then had to apologise for being a shitehawk. FML

#19129021
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4474) - you deserved it (33380)

On 02/21/2012 at 2:00am - misc - by Bellend (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

#18954927
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28935) - you deserved it (4754)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States

Today, Dell's tech support called to tell me that the laptop I sent to them was going to cost an extra $300 to fix, because of the shattered screen. When I mailed my laptop to them, the touchpad wasn't working. The screen was fine. FML

#18785645
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29619) - you deserved it (2400)

On 01/12/2012 at 3:06pm - money - by meggs2209 - United States

Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML

#18565100
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17901) - you deserved it (4926)

On 12/20/2011 at 9:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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