Midnightpearls

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Midnightpearls

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1665
  • Number of comments : 81
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 42 posted

About Midnightpearls : I'm just a random girl, one of many...

Midnightpearls's page activity

Visits<b>wrongmove</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 2:20am<b>balboa_2</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 10:17am<b>KyngJulian</b> - the 01/07/2015 at 1:01am<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 12/17/2014 at 3:34pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 02/26/2014 at 4:11pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 10/27/2013 at 11:07am<b>katiecakes13</b> - the 09/10/2013 at 9:22am<b>eliiteXXXninja</b> - the 07/09/2013 at 11:20pm<b>Thedudebroman</b> - the 06/27/2013 at 10:57pm<b>jcxxll93</b> - the 05/28/2013 at 5:02am<b>jordinaelise</b> - the 05/14/2013 at 10:11pm<b>fightingkittens</b> - the 01/15/2013 at 12:22am<b>tigger2007</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 5:35pm<b>Random_Red</b> - the 12/20/2012 at 2:13am<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 9:38am

Midnightpearls's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of Midnightpearls's badges

Midnightpearls's favorite FMLs

Today, some asshat chewed me out over a 10 cent late fine he was charged on his library card. When I tried to explain the fine to him, he started mimicking me. Finally, as he chucked a dime at my head before storming out, I saw the glint of a Rolex watch from beneath his power suit. FML

by DimeShapedBruise / 09/24/2013 at 2:14am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my mom bitched me out for not driving my little brother to school this morning. The reason I didn't is that some assfuck decided to slash my tires overnight. She was well aware of this fact. FML

by hope they slash you next, mom / 08/29/2013 at 1:37pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2013 at 5:38am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML

by why yes, I do mean "ex-boyfriend" / 08/17/2013 at 6:40pm / Netherlands (Friesland) / Love

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

by whyeventry? / 08/02/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2013 at 12:28pm / Belgium (West-Vlaanderen) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

by O_O / 07/12/2013 at 4:15pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my driver's test in rural Maine. I hit a cow. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Maine) / Transportation

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2013 at 3:11am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

by idk ask freud / 07/04/2013 at 12:11am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old sister a few days ago. I found it in my now ex-boyfriend's closet. When I confronted him, he broke up with me for "invading" his privacy and kicked me out, without the purse. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 6:52pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my demented asswipe of a lab partner thought it'd be funny to replace the birthday gift I bought for my girlfriend with the large intestine of a recently-dissected dog. My girlfriend nearly fainted when she opened the gift box, and accused me of planning the whole thing. FML

by Anonymous / 06/28/2013 at 1:34pm / Nigeria (Lagos) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

by mymomplucksbutthair / 06/25/2013 at 4:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

by Anonymous / 06/22/2013 at 4:55pm / United States / Health