About Midnightpearls : I'm just a random girl, one of many...
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Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17602) - you deserved it (3454)
On 05/18/2012 at 10:41pm - money - by me (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14162) - you deserved it (10554)
On 03/19/2012 at 12:59am - kids - by FoodyFood (woman) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17546) - you deserved it (16362)
On 03/10/2012 at 1:50am - misc - by starboy - United States (California)
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23638) - you deserved it (3643)
On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States
Today, Dell's tech support called to tell me that the laptop I sent to them was going to cost an extra $300 to fix, because of the shattered screen. When I mailed my laptop to them, the touchpad wasn't working. The screen was fine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25230) - you deserved it (1858)
On 01/12/2012 at 3:06pm - money - by meggs2209 - United States
Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16578) - you deserved it (4155)
On 12/20/2011 at 9:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15388) - you deserved it (7235)
On 11/14/2011 at 11:51pm - animals - by MY CAR (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25404) - you deserved it (4085)
On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40136) - you deserved it (7612)
On 02/14/2011 at 1:24am - misc - by bride (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16726) - you deserved it (2686)
On 01/09/2011 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18839) - you deserved it (16007)
On 12/14/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)
Today, I felt like adding my real middle name to my facebook name to make it look more professional. It was denied because they didn't feel it was a legitimate request. Minutes later, someone with the name of "Galactic Toast" friend requested me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22046) - you deserved it (2998)
On 12/01/2010 at 2:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was told I look like Susan Boyle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28877) - you deserved it (3924)
On 10/15/2010 at 7:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28963) - you deserved it (16287)
On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38144) - you deserved it (6156)
On 10/12/2010 at 8:57am - intimacy - by fungettingdressed - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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