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Midnightdawn's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend decided to raid my games collection and try her hand at Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Two hours later, despite my best attempts to make her stop shrieking like a dying crackhead every two minutes, two cops showed up at the door with our neighbors in tow. FML
by axel519 / 12/30/2011 at 9:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by stinkyhair / 12/19/2011 at 12:48pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard my alarm go off, dragged myself out of bed, had breakfast and got ready for work. As I was heading out the door I checked the time again. It was 1:41 AM. Apparently my alarm never actually went off. FML
by 2285morgan / 12/15/2011 at 3:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Username / 12/15/2011 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I saw a 10 dollar bill on the street, as I went to grab it, it was pulled away by a string. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I was tricked by teenagers or that I tripped and fell as I went for it. FML
by aceshot97 / 12/06/2011 at 9:33am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by anonymous / 11/17/2011 at 3:22pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML
by MY CAR / 11/14/2011 at 11:51pm / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 11/14/2011 at 12:09am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
by Anonymous / 11/03/2011 at 2:22am / Australia / Animals
Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML
by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, after a root canal, I went to the pharmacy for some pain killers. The cute girl behind the counter asked what I needed. When I opened my mouth to tell her, a wave of drool hurtled out and splattered on the counter. FML
by maninpain / 10/10/2011 at 3:44pm / Kenya / Love
Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML
by Lucas79 / 10/07/2011 at 9:23pm / Australia / Work
Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 12:17pm / Canada / Intimacy
Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried apologizing and saying it was an accident, but he then complained, which resulted in me being unemployed. The man I spilled coffee on was my uncle. FML
by Chan / 09/25/2011 at 9:57pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by Brie / 09/05/2011 at 9:00am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous