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Metzler31

Offline (the 05/20/2015 at 6:37am) | Search for a member

Metzler31

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5596
  • Number of comments : 228
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 47 posted

About Metzler31 : 17 years old from Philadelphia

Metzler31's page activity

Visits<b>LifeKeepsGoingOn</b> - 11 hours ago<b>Nicky816</b> - the 05/12/2015 at 6:27am<b>lalundsten</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 12:24am<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 7:41am<b>ShooperShweggy</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 2:52am<b>elizabeth_black</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 3:42pm<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 8:27pm<b>krisse876</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 8:46am<b>TrimKibbles</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 8:14pm<b>johndog699</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 1:05pm<b>llalala</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 2:41am<b>BBlah</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 6:32am<b>Acerhawk</b> - the 01/25/2015 at 9:05pm<b>samantha236le</b> - the 01/25/2015 at 3:49pm<b>SyLord</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 10:41am<b>Exodiafinder687</b> - the 01/18/2015 at 9:34pm<b>Georick7</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 9:44pm<b>Raxy</b> - the 01/09/2015 at 7:57pm

Fucked!<b>nickster3</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 12:31pm

Metzler31's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of Metzler31's badges

Metzler31's favorite FMLs

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

#3016666
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16071) - you deserved it (104135)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by kat9232000 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99110) - you deserved it (21104)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML

#2427031
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41976) - you deserved it (8275)

On 05/30/2009 at 7:39am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
439 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33734) - you deserved it (146639)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

#1631197
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25938) - you deserved it (70166)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days...I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML

#1490808
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15054) - you deserved it (63092)

On 04/30/2009 at 2:03pm - misc - by Telemistake (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!" April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

#923154
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (126034) - you deserved it (6971)

On 04/12/2009 at 6:47am - misc - by Aprilfools (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

#869850
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38359) - you deserved it (92512)

On 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by blizzard_of_77 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

#385410
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19513) - you deserved it (117218)

On 03/16/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

#206263
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26850) - you deserved it (41721)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by Señor Guapo (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

#170218
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55629) - you deserved it (14465)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

#19641
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10030) - you deserved it (40727)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:59am - misc - by Tennisplayer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

#2738
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6993) - you deserved it (61613)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:17pm - misc - by crazyvulva9216 - United States (California)

Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML

#2489
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45680) - you deserved it (3561)

On 01/25/2009 at 12:54am - intimacy - by cockblockingbitch - United States (Washington)



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