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Metzler31

Offline (17 hours ago) | Search for a member

Metzler31

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5410
  • Number of comments : 228
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 47 posted

About Metzler31 : 17 years old from Philadelphia

Metzler31's page activity

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Liked!<b>nickster3</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 12:31pm

Metzler31's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of Metzler31's badges

Metzler31's favorite FMLs

Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had trid, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injurd squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl an smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML

#18570075
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29398) - you deserved it (2351)

On 12/21/2011 at 1:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, dad finally decidd to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If u ever decide to have sex, picture face like this" and pointd to his face,hich had a creepy, intense stare!! He just ruind sex 4 me!! Forever!! FML

#18467751
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44052) - you deserved it (5361)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States

Today, ma broter lost is first toot, so I told im te toot fairy is going to give im money. He now tinks Te Rock is going to sow up in is room. FML

#18327184
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30666) - you deserved it (6395)

On 11/23/2011 at 2:14pm - kids - by G. Briones -

Today... for the first time... I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer... I was ecstatic. Later...hen I was in the shower... my brother snuck in the bathroom... yelled "Napalm strike!" an threw our cat over the shower curtain lyk a furry grenade from hell. FML

#17981940
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45082) - you deserved it (5053)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States

Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down an basically waddled behind a wall to get past him . Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me . big fat FML

#17894609
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27214) - you deserved it (5343)

On 10/03/2011 at 8:37am - misc - by Mike Polk - United States

Today I cummed back home to find that mah house had been robbed one week after mah neighbors. I was walking around mah neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious and discovered that mah neighbors had put up a sign reading: "Rob the neighbors THEY don't have a security system." mega FML

#17893570
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31986) - you deserved it (2966)

On 10/03/2011 at 2:08am - misc - by TheAnnoyedNeighbor - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend bought me a gorgeous ring that I fell in love with. As he slid the ring on my finger 4 the frst time, he startd moving it up and down my finger and making loud sex sounds, completely ruining the romantic moment. FML

yesterday I had a science test . A question askd, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-heartd, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, an gave me detention 4 insulting her intelligence . FML

#17804302
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24737) - you deserved it (15070)

On 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in class and really needed to pee. My teacher has chosen to replace our hall pass with a copy of War and Peace. She picks out a page for us to memorise on the shitter, and repeat by heret later. looool If we can't remember, we get locked out of class, and then get detention for bieng absent.

#17789217
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33852) - you deserved it (2970)

On 09/20/2011 at 5:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

TODAY, MY HOUSE GOT WATERMELOND. NOT EGGD, WATERMELOND. FML

#17564993
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37479) - you deserved it (3289)

On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)

Today... two Jehovah's looool Witnesse rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied... ( Basic reasoning? ) A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits u in the eye. FML

#17468167
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36150) - you deserved it (9863)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was using a public urinal when a man cummd up to use the one next to me. As he approachd, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretendd to look at mah knob. FML

#17448380
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26954) - you deserved it (2642)

On 08/12/2011 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, In Front Of Family And Friends, As I Got Down On One Knee, My Grlfriend Fainted. Her Father, A Lawyer, Rushed Over And Said, "Anything She Says Fir The Next 72 Hours Is Not Legally Binding" Andhisked Her Away. FML

#17147393
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39752) - you deserved it (2816)

On 07/17/2011 at 8:34am - love - by bigjohn106 - United States (Maryland)

Today, parents think that I don't realize all the sexual euphemisms in there conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by dad at the dinner table: "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML

#17094831
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43076) - you deserved it (3605)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:16pm - intimacy - by wittlegirl - United States (California)

Today, I was so hungover, I startd yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walkd in on me calling mah cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML

#16950938
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10305) - you deserved it (43260)

On 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm - misc - by Cowgirl_Up37 (woman) - United States (Texas)



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