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Metzler31

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Metzler31

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4278
  • Number of comments : 228
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 46 posted

About Metzler31 : 17 years old from Philadelphia

Metzler31's page activity

Visits<b>0to100realquick</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 3:43am<b>abattior</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:58pm<b>notfat14</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 3:03pm<b>watermelon1</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 5:43pm<b>swampbaby985</b> - the 09/23/2014 at 3:18am<b>pleasedas</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 11:00am<b>CptHeinz</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 4:16am<b>thatoneninjadude</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 9:04pm<b>Mr_Ziza</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 12:50pm<b>TheMrJoee</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 5:48pm<b>tayymeds</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 6:53am<b>Tbear11</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 2:41pm<b>DerpyDerpinator</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 11:17am<b>xxrebelsxx</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 12:50am<b>ButterflyHaze</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 6:15pm<b>julesvasquez</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 1:48am<b>Luke1787</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 3:08am<b>willm44</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 9:29pm

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Metzler31's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

#18649632
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23618) - you deserved it (2866)

On 12/30/2011 at 12:38am - work - by Ashton Sprunger - United States

Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML

#18570075
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28233) - you deserved it (2276)

On 12/21/2011 at 1:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

#18467751
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42253) - you deserved it (5141)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States

Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML

#18327184
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30480) - you deserved it (6378)

On 11/23/2011 at 2:14pm - kids - by G. Briones -

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

#17981940
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44898) - you deserved it (5039)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States

Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML

#17894609
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25935) - you deserved it (5172)

On 10/03/2011 at 8:37am - misc - by Mike Polk - United States

Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML

#17893570
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31853) - you deserved it (2803)

On 10/03/2011 at 2:08am - misc - by TheAnnoyedNeighbor - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend bought me a gorgeous ring that I fell in love with. As he slid the ring on my finger for the first time, he started moving it up and down my finger and making loud sex sounds, completely ruining the romantic moment. FML

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML

#17804302
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24590) - you deserved it (15037)

On 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in class and really needed to pee. My teacher has chosen to replace our hall pass with a copy of War and Peace. She picks out a page for us to memorise on the shitter, and repeat by heart later. If we can't remember, we get locked out of class, and then get detention for being absent. FML

#17789217
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32605) - you deserved it (2886)

On 09/20/2011 at 5:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

#17564993
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37305) - you deserved it (3277)

On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34771) - you deserved it (9626)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML

#17448380
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25927) - you deserved it (2538)

On 08/12/2011 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

#17147393
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38464) - you deserved it (2722)

On 07/17/2011 at 8:34am - love - by bigjohn106 - United States (Maryland)

Today, my parents think that I don't realize all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table: "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML

#17094831
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42950) - you deserved it (3593)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:16pm - intimacy - by wittlegirl - United States (California)



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