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Metzler31

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Metzler31

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5914
  • Number of comments : 228
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 47 posted

About Metzler31 : 19 years old from Philadelphia

Metzler31's page activity

Visits<b>Vintage_Cola</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 7:30pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 7:07pm<b>aishah77</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 8:50am<b>aschmille2</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 11:37pm<b>HeroofWinds1</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 2:40pm<b>Shannonbena</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 3:45pm<b>Mortoli</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 1:15am<b>kareniskaos</b> - the 06/20/2015 at 11:25pm<b>LifeKeepsGoingOn</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 10:26pm<b>Nicky816</b> - the 05/12/2015 at 6:27am<b>lalundsten</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 12:24am<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 7:41am<b>ShooperShweggy</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 2:52am<b>elizabeth_black</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 3:42pm<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 8:27pm<b>krisse876</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 8:46am<b>TrimKibbles</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 8:14pm<b>johndog699</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 1:05pm

Fucked!<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 1:12am<b>nickster3</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 12:31pm

Metzler31's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of Metzler31's badges

Metzler31's favorite FMLs

Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML

#18570075
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30587) - you deserved it (2433)

On 12/21/2011 at 1:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

#18467751
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45352) - you deserved it (5504)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States

Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML

#18327184
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32698) - you deserved it (6627)

On 11/23/2011 at 2:14pm - kids - by G. Briones -

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

#17981940
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45244) - you deserved it (5071)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States

Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML

#17894609
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27345) - you deserved it (5359)

On 10/03/2011 at 8:37am - misc - by Mike Polk - United States

Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML

#17893570
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32121) - you deserved it (2975)

On 10/03/2011 at 2:08am - misc - by TheAnnoyedNeighbor - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend bought me a gorgeous ring that I fell in love with. As he slid the ring on my finger for the first time, he started moving it up and down my finger and making loud sex sounds, completely ruining the romantic moment. FML

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML

#17804302
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26677) - you deserved it (15785)

On 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in class and really needed to pee. My teacher has chosen to replace our hall pass with a copy of War and Peace. She picks out a page for us to memorise on the shitter, and repeat by heart later. If we can't remember, we get locked out of class, and then get detention for being absent. FML

#17789217
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35723) - you deserved it (3137)

On 09/20/2011 at 5:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

#17564993
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40076) - you deserved it (3492)

On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37650) - you deserved it (10116)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML

#17448380
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28560) - you deserved it (2767)

On 08/12/2011 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

#17147393
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39917) - you deserved it (2825)

On 07/17/2011 at 8:34am - love - by bigjohn106 - United States (Maryland)

Today, my parents think that I don't realize all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table: "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML

#17094831
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45536) - you deserved it (3771)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:16pm - intimacy - by wittlegirl - United States (California)

Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML

#16950938
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11616) - you deserved it (45536)

On 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm - misc - by Cowgirl_Up37 (woman) - United States (Texas)



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