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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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Metroskydiver's favorite FMLs
Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML
by whyeventry? / 08/02/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of two years, whom I supported through the death of his father, and whose invalid mother I also took care of, suddenly dumped me. The fact that I've put on a little weight due to recent stress disgusts him, and he "can't date a chubster". FML
by songbird062 / 06/01/2013 at 12:14pm / Love
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
by Samprib / 06/01/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by Abrams52 / 05/28/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by Uncomfortable / 05/17/2013 at 3:21am / Intimacy
Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML
by Thanks Babe / 04/20/2013 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by airbiscuit / 01/21/2013 at 7:36am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy
Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML
by IvyLeague? / 01/14/2013 at 9:52pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by sadmommy / 04/23/2012 at 6:51pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by toomuch / 11/22/2011 at 4:36am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches," your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
by MakeMeASandwich / 06/10/2011 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML
by shelby / 03/30/2011 at 12:54am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 5:55am / Turkey (Istanbul) / Animals
Today, I got a text from my boyfriend that said, "Last week was the most embarassing time of my life, we're over." He was of course referring to the seizure that I had due to my epilepsy at Olive Garden. FML
by Allie / 10/29/2009 at 7:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the… Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals.… Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel…