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About Master__Chief : Hey party peeps!
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56399) - you deserved it (4915)
On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (23132) - you deserved it (14876) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14422) - you deserved it (17631)
On 10/17/2010 at 2:28am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30175) - you deserved it (6129)
On 10/17/2010 at 1:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27602) - you deserved it (15694)
On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying he needed me to bail him out of jail. The crime? Masturbating in public. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30480) - you deserved it (4246)
On 09/12/2010 at 10:29pm - intimacy - by nickim756 - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29810) - you deserved it (7444)
On 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by gorillalove - United States (Texas)
Today, I awkwardly had to comfort my 32 year old friend when he broke down crying in the middle of a crowded McDonald's. Apparently they no longer serve barbecue bacon cheeseburgers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21277) - you deserved it (2349)
On 09/09/2010 at 3:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40655) - you deserved it (5774)
Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a 20 year old man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21330) - you deserved it (5029)
On 09/05/2010 at 8:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, it was my boyfriend's parents' anniversary so I thought I'd do something to impress them. I made them chocolate-covered strawberries. But for some reason they gave me really dirty looks when they saw it. Turns out his mother is allergic to strawberries and his father is allergic to chocolate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24952) - you deserved it (3320)
On 09/05/2010 at 11:49am - misc - by wakinginvegas87 - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend proposed. The ring just had a piece of graphite on it. My boyfriend argued that since graphite and diamonds are both just forms of carbon, it is the same thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23787) - you deserved it (8398)
On 09/04/2010 at 10:08am - misc - by pencilring (woman) - United States
Today, I walked in on my mom's boyfriend jacking off. The worst part was that he didn't stop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29164) - you deserved it (2824)
On 09/01/2010 at 2:16am - intimacy - by Jill Shanks - United States
Today, my dad walked in on me singing "Bohemian Rhapsody", while spinning in circles with the cat in my arms. I thought I was home alone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8747) - you deserved it (17378)
On 08/29/2010 at 12:54am - animals - by Hobbsie - Canada (Ontario)
Today, it was really hot in my house so I pulled my shorts down so I was just in my boxers. My family and I were watching tv and I got a spontaneous erection. When I discreetly tried to pull my shorts back up, my penis flipped out of my boxers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26699) - you deserved it (16077)
On 08/28/2010 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Sicko - Sent from mobile version
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