About MaryJo96 : My name is Mary Jo, I'm 18, and I live in South Carolina and don't plan on ever leaving! I am strong in my Christian faith, and am currently enrolled in a university pursuing a career as an artist with a business minor :) Message me if you wanna talk! :)
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MaryJo96's favorite FMLs
Today, like every day, I woke up at 3 in the morning because my roommate needs "a three hour warning" before his real alarm goes off. His alarm is a constant beeping noise which he always ignores for a good 10 minutes before finally getting up and turning it off. FML
by Anonymous / 01/16/2015 at 1:51pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous
by monster in law. / 12/17/2014 at 2:35am / United States / Love
Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML
by terdberglerforlyfe / 12/07/2014 at 3:54pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Kids
Today, I was waiting in a line, texting on my phone. I hear what sounded like a sneeze and said, "Bless you" to the man in front of me. He gave me a dirty look as I began to smell something awful. It wasn't a sneeze. FML
by Anonymous / 07/16/2014 at 10:49pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by possibly fucked / 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Intimacy
by Mem / 05/30/2014 at 4:07pm / Sweden (Gavleborgs Lan) / Miscellaneous
by creepyyy / 05/17/2014 at 12:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2014 at 5:03pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
by melmel / 05/05/2014 at 1:07am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I read that egg whites make a good hair treatment. Everything was going fine until, without thinking, I turned the hot water on to wash it out. I'm still picking the cooked egg out of my hair. FML
by EggHead / 05/03/2014 at 12:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML
by freakedout / 04/10/2014 at 10:32pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
by notakeeper / 01/02/2014 at 10:50pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by highlydisgusted / 10/15/2013 at 11:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by roundtherose / 10/12/2013 at 9:59pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous
by cherbear1000 / 09/04/2013 at 5:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the…