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Marissa1586's FML badges
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Marissa1586's favorite FMLs
by SpanishInFrenchClass / 12/06/2012 at 12:35am / United States / Work
Today, I gave a homeless man my last bit of spare change so he could get on the bus. Just as I was about to get on too, I realized I'd lost my bus card. I had to get off the bus and watch as the man waved at me through the window. FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2012 at 3:05pm / United States / Transportation
Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML
by Emily / 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML
by squeltorey / 08/03/2012 at 3:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Lara / 08/03/2012 at 7:28am / Italy (Toscana) / Miscellaneous
Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided that he and I needed to spend "more quality time" together. His idea? We should start "bonding" by taking a bath together. When I said no, he told me I was being unfair, and that if I really loved him, I'd do it. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2012 at 4:21am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I discovered that I have been falsely accusing my sister of stealing my makeup. How do I know this? Because I found said makeup in the trunk of my boyfriend's car, next to a bag that had fishnet tights and red stilettos in it. Oh, and the stilettos are his size, in case you were wondering. FML
by SingleAgain / 08/03/2012 at 2:22am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 7:31pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 12:17am / Canada / Intimacy
Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML
by daydreamer / 07/29/2012 at 1:12am / United States (Connecticut) / Health
Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 3:04pm / Norway (Ostfold) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 5:25am / United States (Ohio) / Work
by ryanharp2 / 07/27/2012 at 1:05am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
by lovealways22 / 07/17/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Colorado) / Love
by lurna301 / 07/16/2012 at 8:58pm / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 2Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…