MaltWarrior

Search for a member

Offline (10 hours ago)

MaltWarrior

8Fucked!

MaltWarriorMaltWarrior
  • Town/Country : Chapel Hill, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 March 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5841
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

MaltWarrior's page activity

Visits<b>Vikstera</b> - the 04/13/2016 at 8:27pm<b>Bannaner5</b> - the 03/31/2016 at 1:48am<b>ilovemonkeybutts</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 3:29pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 03/02/2016 at 5:28pm<b>TheLastCenturion</b> - the 03/02/2016 at 4:44am<b>SweetestHeart93</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 10:08pm<b>Stonebraker</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 12:09pm<b>Jon123M</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 8:04am<b>sheeshadevil</b> - the 01/20/2016 at 8:16pm<b>ilovesoccer1610</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 12:42am<b>tiger820</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 8:50am<b>mrjiggles1992</b> - the 12/12/2015 at 2:18pm<b>SK8WITME</b> - the 12/11/2015 at 10:46pm<b>_just_joshin_ya</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 7:30pm<b>LaceysBabe</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 8:54pm<b>Furby94</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 10:28pm<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 11:08pm<b>balnuaimi</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 6:29pm

Fucked!<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 5:08am<b>_just_joshin_ya</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 2:33am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 3:02am<b>LadyLuck93</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 5:54am<b>pl0xs3rver</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 6:33pm<b>BananaCoconutty</b> - the 08/14/2015 at 8:29am<b>Shadowvoid</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 7:25pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:41am

MaltWarrior's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

See all of MaltWarrior's badges

MaltWarrior's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that if not for my grandfather gifting my dad $200, I would have been named Anthrax. FML

by cheeseburglar_9000 / 03/20/2013 at 9:11pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working in childcare, we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey", the kids lost their shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML

by seriously! / 03/19/2013 at 1:00am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 2:02am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

by cjw / 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm / United States / Kids

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

by nerdgirlmickey / 03/03/2013 at 11:05am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, my boyfriend made me play Slender. I was so terrified, I stopped playing 10 minutes in. Tonight, I kept hearing noises outside. When I peered out through the window, a bald figure in a suit was staring back at me. I shrieked in absolute terror; he burst out laughing. It was my boyfriend. FML

by stillfuckingcrying / 02/24/2013 at 4:20pm / Sweden (Kalmar Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 1:28am / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

by ari / 02/18/2013 at 5:15pm / United States / Work

Today, I stayed in a hotel near the college I was applying for a scholarship. We were eating breakfast and there were some other applicants in the breakfast room. As we walked away, my mother yelled, "My daughter's gonna get this scholarship so there's no reason for you muddafuckas to show up." FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 9:01am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML

by daniel55 / 02/17/2013 at 7:11pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 12:56am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my father gave me his blessing to be married on one condition: that I keep my maiden name when I marry. My fiancé thought it would be "epic". My last name will be hyphenated to Cobb-Webb. FML

by MsCobb / 02/16/2013 at 10:27am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

by Brock / 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love