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Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20336) - you deserved it (9448)
On 07/25/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22926) - you deserved it (3474)
On 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by nobrony (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my husband and I went to the store. Because we have no car, we had to walk four miles in the 115 fahrenheit weather. It didn't click until we were standing outside the door with a metric shit-tonne of ice-cream, that we'd have to tear ass back home to keep it all from melting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4580) - you deserved it (16396)
On 07/01/2012 at 1:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, after watching Hulk with my friends, we spent a good half hour discussing exactly how enlarged Bruce Banner's package would be in his Hulk state. I couldn't hide my excitement, and now my friends won't stop teasing me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4736) - you deserved it (13159)
Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18841) - you deserved it (2692)
On 06/30/2012 at 2:49am - animals - by BloodFaerie (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18841) - you deserved it (2692)
On 06/30/2012 at 2:49am - animals - by BloodFaerie (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was assigned to work on a huge project with Michael. Michael refers to himself in the third person, constantly mumbles unintelligibly to himself, doesn't smile, laugh or make eye contact, and refuses to address me directly. I'll be stuck with him for about four months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14448) - you deserved it (1259)
On 06/27/2012 at 12:53pm - work - by NoMagicMike (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him everyday now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7017) - you deserved it (22705)
On 06/26/2012 at 2:18am - work - by cmck932012 - United States (Georgia)
Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML
I agree, your life sucks (18850) - you deserved it (10827)
On 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)
Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17298) - you deserved it (1074)
On 06/24/2012 at 4:51pm - misc - by Boar - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I found an empty parking space in a crowded parking lot. When I came back later, a lady and a cop were standing by my car. Her car used to be parked there and got stolen. They think I'm involved. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19509) - you deserved it (1016)
On 06/23/2012 at 11:23pm - misc - by Melinie - United States
Today, I was having a funny conversation with a guy I had met on Xbox. I told him the state I lived in, and he said, "Don't tell me that, I might stalk you." He wasn't kidding. He has somehow found out my phone number, and my address. He says he's going to send me flowers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10443) - you deserved it (22955)
On 06/22/2012 at 9:08am - misc - by ExplosiveDildo (woman) - Afghanistan
Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18695) - you deserved it (2209)
On 06/20/2012 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19117) - you deserved it (1037)
On 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)
Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself all night, was my sister's Furby she stuck in the closet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30731) - you deserved it (5360)
On 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm - misc - by Spooked (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Monday 20 May 2013
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