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MaltWarrior

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MaltWarrior

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Chapel Hill, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 March 1993 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4298
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

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MaltWarrior's page activity

Visits<b>danial1214</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 4:03am<b>sdroze1389</b> - the 06/17/2015 at 12:04am<b>muarif</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 7:35pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 12:58pm<b>Shadowvoid</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 1:25pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 1:56am<b>FutBol_Fan_30</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 11:54pm<b>tnlander</b> - the 05/11/2015 at 1:33pm<b>RealSuperSand</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 8:56am<b>PenguinBitch</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 3:11am<b>Mitchellbassists</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 11:43pm<b>katydid91</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 5:32am<b>jmon707</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 5:21pm<b>Sarahch</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 2:49pm<b>henrylikestreats</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 2:57am<b>Lola26042002</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 9:21am<b>warsun</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 8:11am<b>connorgrant98</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 10:44pm

Fucked!<b>Shadowvoid</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 7:25pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:41am

MaltWarrior's FML badges

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The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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MaltWarrior's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57301) - you deserved it (66223)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while feeding my neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. FML

#20697165
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31630) - you deserved it (34932)

On 05/31/2013 at 10:59am - animals - by fuckshitcockwaffle (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

#20691071
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66169) - you deserved it (15103)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

#20673360
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44690) - you deserved it (5996)

On 05/19/2013 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50186) - you deserved it (7016)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

#20669389
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51639) - you deserved it (13945)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:16pm - health - by -1 friend (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML

#20647234
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49203) - you deserved it (7625)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:45am - love - by serialkillingex (man) - Netherlands

Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML

#20646861
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59484) - you deserved it (6788)

On 05/06/2013 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

#20640901
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50401) - you deserved it (7098)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60693) - you deserved it (9167)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML

#20636856
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55995) - you deserved it (7801)

On 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

#20634623
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20504) - you deserved it (69410)

On 05/01/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by luvs2spooge89 - United States (New York)

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

#20627240
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50574) - you deserved it (11250)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

#20624720
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50059) - you deserved it (4712)

On 04/27/2013 at 8:42am - health - by seekerglow176 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML

#20601228
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45052) - you deserved it (4477)

On 04/18/2013 at 12:01am - money - by some people's parents - United States (Colorado)



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