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  • Town/Country : Chapel Hill, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 March 1993 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4802
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

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MaltWarrior's page activity

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MaltWarrior's favorite FMLs

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42091) - you deserved it (3565)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:40pm - health - by _/ | \_ (woman) - Singapore

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52570) - you deserved it (4478)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:39am - misc - by haveahappyperiod (woman) -

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (52030) - you deserved it (6771)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39193) - you deserved it (2838)

On 09/14/2013 at 11:04am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML


I agree, your life sucks (57088) - you deserved it (6564)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38980) - you deserved it (9200)

On 09/08/2013 at 9:42pm - animals - by sillydoggy - United States

Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49203) - you deserved it (6504)

On 08/08/2013 at 7:03pm - kids - by JuggaloSlasher15 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my son's fifth birthday. I asked my grandmother, who is a baker, to make a birthday cake for the party. Two hours after the party started, she arrived drunk with a large ham with candles in it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (51795) - you deserved it (4569)

On 08/08/2013 at 4:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML


I agree, your life sucks (58950) - you deserved it (5166)

On 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm - misc - by shampoomice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (43710) - you deserved it (3860) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/06/2013 at 5:59pm - health - by pong - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML


I agree, your life sucks (57141) - you deserved it (19280)

On 08/06/2013 at 1:07am - work - by offuckingcourse - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52975) - you deserved it (3967)

On 08/01/2013 at 12:03am - kids - by ktiskool (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my 10-year-old son told my 5-year-old daughter that we're a ghost family, and told her to run through our glass door to see for herself. She believed it, ran straight into the door, and ended up having to be taken to hospital. FML


I agree, your life sucks (57668) - you deserved it (5545)

On 07/31/2013 at 7:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)

Today, I crawled into bed with my boyfriend. He was snoring loudly which is how I knew he was passed out cold. Once I was under the blanket next to him, he slowly turned over, stared me straight in the face and said, "I have to kill you". Then started snoring again. FML

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML


I agree, your life sucks (59604) - you deserved it (9789)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML

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  • Hardcore will never die, but you will. We’re back with some rock n roll, or dare I say it, some punk rock. Don't run away, it's not that terrible stuff that emo kids listen to while slashing their…

Friday 2 October 2015

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