MaltWarrior

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MaltWarrior

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MaltWarriorMaltWarrior
  • Town/Country : Chapel Hill, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 March 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5837
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

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MaltWarrior's page activity

Visits<b>Vikstera</b> - the 04/13/2016 at 8:27pm<b>Bannaner5</b> - the 03/31/2016 at 1:48am<b>ilovemonkeybutts</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 3:29pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 03/02/2016 at 5:28pm<b>TheLastCenturion</b> - the 03/02/2016 at 4:44am<b>SweetestHeart93</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 10:08pm<b>Stonebraker</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 12:09pm<b>Jon123M</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 8:04am<b>sheeshadevil</b> - the 01/20/2016 at 8:16pm<b>ilovesoccer1610</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 12:42am<b>tiger820</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 8:50am<b>mrjiggles1992</b> - the 12/12/2015 at 2:18pm<b>SK8WITME</b> - the 12/11/2015 at 10:46pm<b>_just_joshin_ya</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 7:30pm<b>LaceysBabe</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 8:54pm<b>Furby94</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 10:28pm<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 11:08pm<b>balnuaimi</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 6:29pm

Fucked!<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 5:08am<b>_just_joshin_ya</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 2:33am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 3:02am<b>LadyLuck93</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 5:54am<b>pl0xs3rver</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 6:33pm<b>BananaCoconutty</b> - the 08/14/2015 at 8:29am<b>Shadowvoid</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 7:25pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:41am

MaltWarrior's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

See all of MaltWarrior's badges

MaltWarrior's favorite FMLs

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

by Elisa_LmR / 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2013 at 2:38am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

by fuck you, bitchcake / 11/10/2013 at 1:26pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous

Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope, and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2013 at 5:21pm / United Kingdom (Derry) / Miscellaneous

Today, my car keys are in my house and my house keys are in my car, and I'm in neither. FML

by Argh / 11/03/2013 at 3:18pm / France (Poitou-Charentes) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML

by Shady_Soldier / 10/31/2013 at 4:41am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my little sister is having a friend spend the night. Our rooms are right next to one another and the walls are thin. We are now entering the fourth hour of a singing contest so off-key that it should be illegal. FML

by ThisIsAgony / 10/25/2013 at 2:48am / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML

by overly nationalistic redneck / 10/19/2013 at 3:37pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity fixed for the first time. The dentist showed me the drill and other tools, and referred to them as things like "Mr. Bumpy Brush". I'm 15. She thought I was "special". FML

by maxkeyftw / 10/17/2013 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2013 at 3:13am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML

by and she blames me -_- / 10/13/2013 at 5:50pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

by _/ | \_ / 10/06/2013 at 1:40pm / Singapore / Health