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MaltWarrior

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MaltWarrior

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1286
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

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MaltWarrior's page activity

Visits<b>Rallred32</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 11:57am<b>BabyFranco</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 1:47am<b>Neandertal</b> - the 11/15/2013 at 10:45am<b>nicky255</b> - the 11/01/2013 at 11:39pm<b>caden_bro</b> - the 10/27/2013 at 5:30pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 10/13/2013 at 7:29pm<b>starryeyed_0811</b> - the 10/08/2013 at 4:51pm<b>The_9th_Doctor</b> - the 10/04/2013 at 1:00am<b>1992yoko</b> - the 09/29/2013 at 9:39pm<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 08/19/2013 at 2:42am<b>EmberFury</b> - the 08/13/2013 at 7:55pm<b>cha0t1c</b> - the 08/08/2013 at 4:48am<b>30361</b> - the 08/07/2013 at 4:34pm<b>therandomguy69</b> - the 08/07/2013 at 3:20pm<b>jadeluv</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 5:02am<b>supersavvy</b> - the 07/03/2013 at 4:44am<b>wenglanquer</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 2:58pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 2:32pm

MaltWarrior's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of MaltWarrior's badges

MaltWarrior's favorite FMLs

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56042) - you deserved it (9299)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54657) - you deserved it (6337)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

#20773595
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75830) - you deserved it (3691)

On 07/10/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Wtf (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

#20766565
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45507) - you deserved it (4704)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

#20759193
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24168) - you deserved it (62644)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

#20742609
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58497) - you deserved it (3810)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm - misc - by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck (man) - Guam

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

#20732635
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56928) - you deserved it (4071)

On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

#20732635
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56928) - you deserved it (4071)

On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at work, a customer came in and ordered a "Butterbeer Frappuccino." When I said we serve no such thing, she yelled at me for "lying" to her, saying she knew about our "secret menu." She ended up complaining to my manager and demanded that he fire me. FML

#20714023
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50949) - you deserved it (3856)

On 06/08/2013 at 6:20pm - work - by I hate my job (woman) - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54922) - you deserved it (64045)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while feeding my neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. FML

#20697165
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30356) - you deserved it (33299)

On 05/31/2013 at 10:59am - animals - by fuckshitcockwaffle (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

#20691071
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63143) - you deserved it (14380)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

#20673360
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43368) - you deserved it (5865)

On 05/19/2013 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49798) - you deserved it (6991)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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