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  • Town/Country : Wake Forest, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 March 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6742
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

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MaltWarrior's page activity

Visits<b>gracile</b> - the 10/20/2016 at 6:07am<b>BoneCollector</b> - the 10/05/2016 at 5:47pm<b>stricker30</b> - the 09/28/2016 at 9:20am<b>neko987</b> - the 09/20/2016 at 2:39am<b>Teyros</b> - the 09/02/2016 at 10:31pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 2:40pm<b>Monday_funday</b> - the 08/10/2016 at 1:50pm<b>WATERFISH21</b> - the 07/31/2016 at 1:19am<b>Jaraxxus</b> - the 07/27/2016 at 2:09am<b>HelloBl4nk3t</b> - the 07/23/2016 at 11:43pm<b>Linkard</b> - the 07/06/2016 at 12:10am<b>MidnaLink</b> - the 07/04/2016 at 3:11pm<b>MedoA</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 1:57pm<b>Zero_TAlent_</b> - the 05/21/2016 at 3:42pm<b>slapstick1982</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 11:11am<b>whootywhoo</b> - the 05/13/2016 at 11:58pm<b>The_Memer69</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 9:37pm<b>Vikstera</b> - the 04/13/2016 at 8:27pm

Fucked!<b>BoneCollector</b> - the 10/05/2016 at 11:47pm<b>whootywhoo</b> - the 05/14/2016 at 5:58am<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 5:08am<b>_just_joshin_ya</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 2:33am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 3:02am<b>LadyLuck93</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 5:54am<b>pl0xs3rver</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 6:33pm<b>BananaCoconutty</b> - the 08/14/2015 at 8:29am<b>Shadowvoid</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 7:25pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:41am

MaltWarrior's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.


You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

See all of MaltWarrior's badges

MaltWarrior's favorite FMLs

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

by oh god. / 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I was looking at some cellphones with my dad, when an assistant asked if we needed help. My dad said, "Yeah, does this have parental controls? My son watches some freaky stuff, some damn freaky stuff." I don't watch anything weird, but thanks for humiliating me, dad. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2014 at 1:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

by not a dumbass pothead / 04/08/2014 at 6:04pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was randomly selected for a pat-down while at the airport. Being from the south, I said thanks out of pure habit. The guy replied, "No sir, thank YOU." and winked. FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2014 at 4:30pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, the clock in the study lounge was off, so I was half-an-hour late to class. I was too embarrassed to walk in late, so I sat for the next half-hour with my ear against the door trying to hear the lecture. People stopped to ask if there was something wrong with me. Yeah, probably. FML

by SocialAnxietySucks / 03/25/2014 at 11:31pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

by Vampprobs / 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

by campus pussy / 03/22/2014 at 5:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the middle of a Spanish oral exam, I start to panic. My teacher suggests I say whatever pops into my head. I blurt out, "Heeey Macarena!" FML

by LeChameauTrisomique / 03/14/2014 at 12:33am / France (Centre) / Work

Today, I found out that my 15-year-old son is a prolific creator of My Little Pony themed hentai. I'm not a judgmental man, but he's probably going to hell. FML

by ashamed father / 03/09/2014 at 6:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

by cunning glassist / 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML

by doodler / 02/27/2014 at 6:59am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

by sistermonster / 02/26/2014 at 4:45am / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Work

Today, I was shopping, when a man pointed at me and said to his friend, "Her. She's the one." He replied, "Yes, she'll do fine." I'm scared. FML

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML

by airhead2015 / 02/12/2014 at 12:57pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous