Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

MaltWarrior

Offline (2 hours ago) | Search for a member

MaltWarrior

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Chapel Hill, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 March 1993 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4056
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

MaltWarrior's page activity

Visits<b>FutBol_Fan_30</b> - 8 hours ago<b>tnlander</b> - the 05/11/2015 at 1:33pm<b>RealSuperSand</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 8:56am<b>PenguinBitch</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 3:11am<b>Mitchellbassists</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 11:43pm<b>katydid91</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 5:32am<b>martin8337</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 12:40am<b>jmon707</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 5:21pm<b>Sarahch</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 2:49pm<b>henrylikestreats</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 2:57am<b>Lola26042002</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 9:21am<b>warsun</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 8:11am<b>connorgrant98</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 10:44pm<b>ziggysmommy201</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 6:34pm<b>alexaramayo</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 1:47am<b>Kitty_Kat44</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 8:35pm<b>Georgiecan</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 9:01am<b>wjsgkrbs</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 4:48pm

Fucked!<b>martin8337</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:41am

MaltWarrior's FML badges

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of MaltWarrior's badges

MaltWarrior's favorite FMLs

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

#21050614
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38228) - you deserved it (7169)

On 02/04/2014 at 8:03pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

#21049132
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41989) - you deserved it (3881)

On 02/03/2014 at 8:29am - health - by Sleepless (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML

#21047796
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41555) - you deserved it (6383)

On 02/02/2014 at 1:33am - misc - by tsukinoie - United States

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

#21041278
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41588) - you deserved it (12558)

On 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by sabz21 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

#21015899
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43543) - you deserved it (8173) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm - misc - by Elisa_LmR (woman) - France

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

#20987358
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38127) - you deserved it (5739)

On 12/10/2013 at 2:38am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

#20963971
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27619) - you deserved it (66877)

On 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

#20952633
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37011) - you deserved it (3387)

On 11/10/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by fuck you, bitchcake (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope, and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML

#20949272
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53057) - you deserved it (5539)

On 11/07/2013 at 5:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Derry)

Today, my car keys are in my house and my house keys are in my car, and I'm in neither. FML

#20943997
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48110) - you deserved it (8633)

On 11/03/2013 at 3:18pm - misc - by Argh (man) - France (Poitou-Charentes)

Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML

#20939955
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44199) - you deserved it (6855)

On 10/31/2013 at 4:41am - misc - by Shady_Soldier - United Kingdom

Today, my little sister is having a friend spend the night. Our rooms are right next to one another and the walls are thin. We are now entering the fourth hour of a singing contest so off-key that it should be illegal. FML

#20933172
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40909) - you deserved it (3201)

On 10/25/2013 at 2:48am - misc - by ThisIsAgony - United States (Nevada)

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML

#20926483
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43735) - you deserved it (4783)

On 10/19/2013 at 3:37pm - misc - by overly nationalistic redneck (woman) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity fixed for the first time. The dentist showed me the drill and other tools, and referred to them as things like "Mr. Bumpy Brush". I'm 15. She thought I was "special". FML

#20923550
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42657) - you deserved it (3830)

On 10/17/2013 at 1:06am - health - by maxkeyftw (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: