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MaltWarrior

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MaltWarrior

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1391
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

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MaltWarrior's page activity

Visits<b>WoldowJR</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 4:35pm<b>Queen_bee1234</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 1:10pm<b>killthedead</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 11:28am<b>redrobbey</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 10:01am<b>worldclassrager</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 6:22pm<b>Wingman527</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 9:20pm<b>Rallred32</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 11:57am<b>BabyFranco</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 1:47am<b>Neandertal</b> - the 11/15/2013 at 10:45am<b>nicky255</b> - the 11/01/2013 at 11:39pm<b>caden_bro</b> - the 10/27/2013 at 5:30pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 10/13/2013 at 7:29pm<b>starryeyed_0811</b> - the 10/08/2013 at 4:51pm<b>The_9th_Doctor</b> - the 10/04/2013 at 1:00am<b>1992yoko</b> - the 09/29/2013 at 9:39pm<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 08/19/2013 at 2:42am<b>EmberFury</b> - the 08/13/2013 at 7:55pm<b>cha0t1c</b> - the 08/08/2013 at 4:48am

MaltWarrior's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of MaltWarrior's badges

MaltWarrior's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity fixed for the first time. The dentist showed me the drill and other tools, and referred to them as things like "Mr. Bumpy Brush". I'm 15. She thought I was "special". FML

#20923550
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42371) - you deserved it (3816)

On 10/17/2013 at 1:06am - health - by maxkeyftw (man) - United States (California)

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

#20919796
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42029) - you deserved it (3087)

On 10/14/2013 at 3:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML

#20919168
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43993) - you deserved it (3838)

On 10/13/2013 at 5:50pm - money - by and she blames me -_- (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

#20909921
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57052) - you deserved it (3369)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

#20909610
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39328) - you deserved it (3326)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:40pm - health - by _/ | \_ (woman) - Singapore

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

#20906908
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49226) - you deserved it (4189)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:39am - misc - by haveahappyperiod (woman) -

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48705) - you deserved it (6367)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML

#20880767
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36571) - you deserved it (2636)

On 09/14/2013 at 11:04am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

#20874571
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52971) - you deserved it (6162)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML

#20873553
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36163) - you deserved it (8706)

On 09/08/2013 at 9:42pm - animals - by sillydoggy - United States

Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML

#20827779
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46226) - you deserved it (6199)

On 08/08/2013 at 7:03pm - kids - by JuggaloSlasher15 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my son's fifth birthday. I asked my grandmother, who is a baker, to make a birthday cake for the party. Two hours after the party started, she arrived drunk with a large ham with candles in it. FML

#20826835
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48795) - you deserved it (4327)

On 08/08/2013 at 4:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

#20825465
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56070) - you deserved it (4908)

On 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm - misc - by shampoomice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

#20824490
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40944) - you deserved it (3617) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/06/2013 at 5:59pm - health - by pong - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

#20823157
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54006) - you deserved it (18137)

On 08/06/2013 at 1:07am - work - by offuckingcourse - Canada (Ontario)



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