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  • Town/Country : Chapel Hill, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 March 1993 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4997
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

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MaltWarrior's page activity

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MaltWarrior's favorite FMLs

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47451) - you deserved it (10447) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/18/2014 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Degueusement (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38437) - you deserved it (5709)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (38287) - you deserved it (12772)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47114) - you deserved it (8717)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44827) - you deserved it (4458)

On 07/07/2014 at 11:59am - animals - by ADanceWithDavos (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML


I agree, your life sucks (45796) - you deserved it (4736)

On 06/21/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by LoveGlove (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my coworker was telling me about his mom, when he asked about mine. I told him that I've never met my mom, because she died during my childbirth. It's a very painful subject for me, but all the same, my coworkers have decided they'll now only address me as "Tyrion". FML


I agree, your life sucks (46189) - you deserved it (4374)

On 06/17/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by the lannisters send their retards - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47404) - you deserved it (6781)

On 06/14/2014 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (49484) - you deserved it (5889)

On 06/13/2014 at 5:27am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43025) - you deserved it (4575)

On 06/11/2014 at 4:36pm - misc - by ldrik1 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52362) - you deserved it (5069)

On 06/09/2014 at 3:37pm - misc - by I'm Not Dead Yet - United States (Arizona)

Today, my students turned in their male figure artwork. One absolute idiot had the smart idea of drawing me and the TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at the explicitness, anger at the disrespect, and yet awe at how well-drawn it was. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45641) - you deserved it (6602)

On 06/06/2014 at 3:00pm - work - by confusing (man) - Zimbabwe

Today, I searched up ways to fix my eyebrows since they were so bushy and thick. I took my tweezers and set to work. It went to shit. So now, I have one completely straight eyebrow that makes me look like Bert from Sesame Street and another that's arched like Nina Dobrev's. FML

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML


I agree, your life sucks (65827) - you deserved it (7272)

On 05/30/2014 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by lahiros (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Mselle Risa's illustrated FML

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Tuesday 24 November 2015

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