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MaltWarrior

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MaltWarrior

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Chapel Hill, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 March 1993 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3826
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

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MaltWarrior's page activity

Visits<b>Mitchellbassists</b> - 18 hours ago<b>katydid91</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 5:32am<b>martin8337</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 12:40am<b>jmon707</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 5:21pm<b>Sarahch</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 2:49pm<b>henrylikestreats</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 2:57am<b>Lola26042002</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 9:21am<b>warsun</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 8:11am<b>connorgrant98</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 10:44pm<b>ziggysmommy201</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 6:34pm<b>alexaramayo</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 1:47am<b>Kitty_Kat44</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 8:35pm<b>Georgiecan</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 9:01am<b>wjsgkrbs</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 4:48pm<b>colton_colton</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 4:30pm<b>sleepybb</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 8:26pm<b>MossyMegaMan</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 12:02pm<b>SingingWolf</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 4:36pm

Fucked!<b>martin8337</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:41am

MaltWarrior's FML badges

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The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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MaltWarrior's favorite FMLs

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

#21206318
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45400) - you deserved it (8480)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

#21201617
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43055) - you deserved it (4310)

On 07/07/2014 at 11:59am - animals - by ADanceWithDavos (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

#21183341
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42703) - you deserved it (4412)

On 06/21/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by LoveGlove (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my coworker was telling me about his mom, when he asked about mine. I told him that I've never met my mom, because she died during my childbirth. It's a very painful subject for me, but all the same, my coworkers have decided they'll now only address me as "Tyrion". FML

#21178277
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44730) - you deserved it (4248)

On 06/17/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by the lannisters send their retards - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

#21174074
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45347) - you deserved it (6510)

On 06/14/2014 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML

#21173084
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46580) - you deserved it (5591)

On 06/13/2014 at 5:27am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

#21171119
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40273) - you deserved it (4284)

On 06/11/2014 at 4:36pm - misc - by ldrik1 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

#21168349
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50215) - you deserved it (4892)

On 06/09/2014 at 3:37pm - misc - by I'm Not Dead Yet - United States (Arizona)

Today, my students turned in their male figure artwork. One absolute idiot had the smart idea of drawing me and the TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at the explicitness, anger at the disrespect, and yet awe at how well-drawn it was. FML

#21165062
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42858) - you deserved it (6232)

On 06/06/2014 at 3:00pm - work - by confusing (man) - Zimbabwe

Today, I searched up ways to fix my eyebrows since they were so bushy and thick. I took my tweezers and set to work. It went to shit. So now, I have one completely straight eyebrow that makes me look like Bert from Sesame Street and another that's arched like Nina Dobrev's. FML

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

#21157398
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61044) - you deserved it (6730)

On 05/30/2014 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by lahiros (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

#21139954
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45413) - you deserved it (6682)

On 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by oh god. - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was looking at some cellphones with my dad, when an assistant asked if we needed help. My dad said, "Yeah, does this have parental controls? My son watches some freaky stuff, some damn freaky stuff." I don't watch anything weird, but thanks for humiliating me, dad. FML

#21135688
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39734) - you deserved it (4108)

On 05/10/2014 at 1:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

#21132614
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43615) - you deserved it (3536)

On 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

#21107817
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24996) - you deserved it (43311)

On 04/08/2014 at 6:04pm - misc - by not a dumbass pothead (man) - United States (Nevada)



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