Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick :
Categories :
Man or woman?

MaltWarrior

Search for a member

MaltWarrior
  • Town/Country : Foot Statue, The Island
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 202
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

MaltWarrior's last visitors

Domo17generalasskickerLadylillithHowieDoItbillyz77TheManagerskyeyez9Coop817ItsKaylonDuhkottonkandy8

MaltWarrior's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of MaltWarrior's badges

MaltWarrior's favorite FMLs

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

#20673360
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33398) - you deserved it (4576)

On 05/19/2013 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37136) - you deserved it (5108)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

#20669389
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41617) - you deserved it (10951)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:16pm - health - by -1 friend (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML

#20647234
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41502) - you deserved it (6458)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:45am - love - by serialkillingex (man) - Netherlands

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

#20640901
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44017) - you deserved it (6070)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53349) - you deserved it (7621)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML

#20636856
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47789) - you deserved it (6428)

On 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

#20634623
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17898) - you deserved it (61185)

On 05/01/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by luvs2spooge89 - United States (New York)

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

#20627240
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45506) - you deserved it (9786)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

#20624720
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43840) - you deserved it (3942)

On 04/27/2013 at 8:42am - health - by seekerglow176 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML

#20601228
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39190) - you deserved it (3956)

On 04/18/2013 at 12:01am - money - by some people's parents - United States (Colorado)

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54522) - you deserved it (9166)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40611) - you deserved it (4302)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML

Today, I woke up from a nightmare that I've been having for a couple of weeks. In the nightmare I'm shot four times in the back by none other than my mother. I'm getting worried. FML

#20575675
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25540) - you deserved it (2040)

On 04/05/2013 at 1:28am - misc - by slightlyworried (woman) - United States (Colorado)



Allison Myres Perry & Jim Perry 's illustrated FML

Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • FML’s Roommates from hell
  • If we could, we’d probably all live on our own. Exotic dancers would do our cleaning and housework; bartenders would serve us glamorous cocktails with mini paper umbrellas in them every hour on the dot. We would…

Monday 20 May 2013

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: