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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Fingerprints everywhere
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7554) - you deserved it (1249)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)
Today, my new roommate told me he was bisexual. A little concerned, I opened up and told him that made me uncomfortable. His reply: "Oh don't worry, I'm only attracted to good looking guys." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8872) - you deserved it (29631)
On 03/07/2012 at 9:01am - misc - by Leland - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my landlord came to my apartment because of complaints from my neighbors, saying that animals are not allowed inside. Turns out my roommate makes cat-noises when she's bored. My landlord still doesn't believe me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19278) - you deserved it (1326)
On 12/13/2011 at 8:57am - misc - by Anonymous - Norway (Sogn og Fjordane)
Today, after I went to collect my pay for babysitting, the girl's dad pulled the old "Can I pay you in Trident Layers?" bull on me. Hoping to show that I wasn't going to play ball, I told him that watching his gran inhale a cock would be funnier. If scowls could kill... FML
I agree, your life sucks (5219) - you deserved it (39276)
On 11/25/2011 at 9:09pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I tried to buy a bottle of wine from the supermarket. The scrawny, acne-ridden kid at the checkout asked to see my ID. I didn't have any on me, since I'm 37 years old and didn't expect to be asked stupid questions. I complained to his manager, only to be asked to leave. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9275) - you deserved it (31646)
On 11/24/2011 at 3:19pm - misc - by Andrew - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I couldn't tell her where the vitamins were in the pharmacy. The manager came and yelled at me for being lazy and incompetent. I work in the store across the street from the pharmacy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22611) - you deserved it (1502)
On 11/08/2011 at 12:45am - work - by jodafish - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23230) - you deserved it (6237)
On 11/03/2011 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by KayleeXLoVe21 - United States (New York)
Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (10019) - you deserved it (1539) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35448) - you deserved it (3521)
On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States
Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26676) - you deserved it (3158)
On 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm - misc - by mannydanny (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)
Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21817) - you deserved it (3846)
On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26610) - you deserved it (6620)
On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8604) - you deserved it (1442)
On 07/27/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33046) - you deserved it (7319)
On 07/21/2011 at 5:24pm - love - by toni405 - United States
Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I'm a pancake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27295) - you deserved it (7392)
On 06/24/2011 at 6:45am - intimacy - by Eve (woman) - Ireland (Cork)
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