MacMonster

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Offline (the 12/08/2014 at 5:37am)

MacMonster

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1604
  • Number of comments : 56
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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MacMonster's page activity

Visits<b>epic174</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 11:36am<b>IamBatman323</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 8:30pm<b>Pedregon30</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 10:01pm<b>Yooper_Girl</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 8:16pm<b>threer</b> - the 02/27/2014 at 7:00pm<b>DarthMorlock</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 10:13pm<b>RockNRollAndrew</b> - the 12/11/2013 at 5:00pm<b>scissors17</b> - the 09/18/2013 at 11:05pm<b>dorkelena</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 9:58pm<b>tiernang</b> - the 07/25/2013 at 7:59pm<b>hotPinklipstick</b> - the 07/24/2013 at 3:21pm<b>KK3137</b> - the 07/24/2013 at 12:19pm<b>zChanic</b> - the 07/21/2013 at 10:40pm<b>piedpiper303</b> - the 07/20/2013 at 1:21pm<b>adkim78</b> - the 07/20/2013 at 12:11pm<b>K_kanaka</b> - the 07/20/2013 at 4:59am<b>linuxguy192</b> - the 07/20/2013 at 4:08am<b>tilted_sunlight</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 11:53am

MacMonster's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of MacMonster's badges

MacMonster's favorite FMLs

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

by eww. / 03/22/2013 at 1:28am / Australia / Love

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

by for fuck sake dad / 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm / Ireland (Limerick) / Love

Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML

by Cherrish it / 09/04/2012 at 12:24am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He didn't know it. FML

by say my name / 06/30/2012 at 9:35pm / Intimacy

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation

Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML

by maggierose171 / 05/19/2012 at 11:08am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that all the times I checked behind the shower curtain before peeing didn't prepare me for what to do if someone was actually there. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 11:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML

by Flip / 05/02/2012 at 1:06am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

by Deadman / 04/02/2012 at 9:37am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2012 at 8:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I started my research project on horror stories and people's fascination with them. I did some research and wound up reading H.P. Lovecraft. On the upside, I can now pee more easily. On the downside, it's likely to be in my pants. FML

by Anonymous / 03/24/2012 at 6:05pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

by Ashton Sprunger / 12/30/2011 at 12:38am / United States / Work