Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About MLuckyCapoeirist : If you like capoeira, or animes talk to me :)
WANTED : Sirin "900,000$". Nickname : "The Ripper"
WANTED : DocBastard "600,000$". Nickname "The Surgeon"
WANTED : RedPillSucks "375,000$" Nickname : "The Politician"
WANTED : FYLDeep "175,000$" Nickname "The Joker"
WANTED : Perdix "350,000$" Nickname "The Crazy One"
WANTED : Cinn "200,000$" Nickname "The Iron Maiden"
WANTED : Doortje "300,000$" Nickname "The Ripper's Lieutenant"
WANTED : every1luvsboners "200,000$" Nickname "The Destroyer"
WANTED : I_iz_B_a_troll "110,000$" Nickname "Future Dramacrat"
WANTED : KingDingALing "275,000$" Nickname "The owner"
WANTED : KaySL "500,000$" Nickname "RUN AWAY!"
Top 3 Criminals -
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML
Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML
Today, while packing my luggage from vacation I thought I saw a penny drop into my bag. After looking everywhere I couldn't find it. Now that I am home I found out that I had mistaken a cockroach for a penny. I now have a family of cockroaches living in my luggage. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for a while. I shaved my legs and armpits and wore a short dress. It wasn't until I got to the meeting that I noticed I only shaved one of my legs. FML
Today, I asked a coworker if she would cover for me on Easter because I want to spend it with my 3 year old daughter. She said no because she wants to spend Easter with her kids, too. She doesn't have kids. FML
Today, as I go to a small private Christian college, the academic dean came up to me and asked me to put some old records on CD, since I have a record player that can do that. I had to listen to eight records of old students from the 1970's singing bible thumper Christian hippie music. FML
Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
Friday 21 November 2014