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Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32016) - you totally deserved it (1372)
On 11/15/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my boyfriend gave me a bucket of Twizzlers for our 1 year anniversary because 'he knew I liked them.' He has no idea why I am so upset. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7671) - you totally deserved it (20651)
On 11/14/2009 at 4:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my 7 year old brother decided that it would be fun to cut off my hair. I woke from a long nap after working the late shift, to about 15 inches of my long blonde hair all over my bed and floor. I now have bloody bald spots and really choppy hair about 3 inches long. He got away with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29510) - you totally deserved it (1408)
On 11/02/2009 at 3:04pm - misc - by baldygirl (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I bought an iTunes giftcard worth $50. I tried to scratch off the little silver thing covering the code with a pair of scissors. I scratched so much that it's now unreadable. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4796) - you totally deserved it (30522)
On 11/01/2009 at 6:10pm - misc - by Sam (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6778) - you totally deserved it (26515)
On 11/01/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I got rear-ended at a stop sign on a seldom used road in my neighborhood. As I open my car door to trade insurance information with the guy, he backs up a little and speeds away, taking my car door with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19557) - you totally deserved it (722)
On 10/31/2009 at 11:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I learned that if you make fun of a man for walking with a cane, you'd better be ready for him to hit you with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1891) - you totally deserved it (67387)
On 10/20/2009 at 12:05pm - misc - by stick (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went in my room to play my guitar. I found my Les Paul on the floor with all the strings missing. I later found out my grandma cut them off because I was playing "Devil's Music." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29108) - you totally deserved it (1722)
On 10/11/2009 at 1:21pm - misc - by cbarebo (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57722) - you totally deserved it (1750)
On 10/07/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by dinosaurman (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8578) - you totally deserved it (18975)
On 10/07/2009 at 12:39am - love - by NotAParabola (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I received an email from my professor informing me that if I missed another class, I'd be dropped from the course. I have field experience to complete tomorrow as part of my major. I emailed her two weeks ago to let her know, and we're excused by the dean. She doesn't care. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21126) - you totally deserved it (5014)
On 10/06/2009 at 12:16am - misc - by meesh22 (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26621) - you totally deserved it (1760)
On 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm - misc - by APetsPet (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I ordered a chicken sandwich. I was starving and it was the fastest thing to order. Half way through it, I found something which does not belong, and removed it. It was half a cockroach, and I don't know where the other half is. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30277) - you totally deserved it (1644)
On 10/04/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Foufinator - France (Nord-Pas-de-Calais)
Today while cleaning up I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29851) - you totally deserved it (1851) - moderated and selected by Kevin Nealon
On 10/01/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Ouchies (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17786) - you totally deserved it (11846)
On 10/01/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by mushroommouth (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
