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Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37541) - you deserved it (5004)
On 09/29/2009 at 3:09pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML
I agree, your life sucks (132) - you deserved it (2529)
On 09/18/2009 at 1:48pm - health - by anonymous - Sent from mobile version
Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47828) - you deserved it (2178)
On 09/07/2009 at 5:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML
I agree, your life sucks (47971) - you deserved it (5688)
On 08/30/2009 at 12:40pm - love - by mylifesucks (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54690) - you deserved it (12530)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54329) - you deserved it (5895)
On 07/29/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I got the cell phone bill for my family and saw that my son had gone over his limit by around 1,000 messages. Curious to see what he was talking about that much, I read the messages. Apparently, my 15 year old son is having it off more than me and my wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46224) - you deserved it (9476)
On 05/08/2009 at 5:07pm - misc - by gangstalicious - United States (North Carolina)
Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16624) - you deserved it (58667)
On 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by schmoodles - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (563735) - you deserved it (35949)
On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25429) - you deserved it (66474)
On 04/04/2009 at 1:59am - intimacy - by GrandmasWhore (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24731) - you deserved it (98806)
On 03/20/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Stacy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue piercing and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin says "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48719) - you deserved it (9944)
On 03/10/2009 at 4:40pm - misc - by epictothemax - United States (Illinois)
Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1008309) - you deserved it (80155)
On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)
Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML
I agree, your life sucks (84596) - you deserved it (2686)
On 02/26/2009 at 12:01pm - love - by froyo (man) - United States
Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75005) - you deserved it (13874)
On 02/09/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by douglisk1994 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Monday 17 June 2013
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