--insert shit no one cares about here--
Funny how my FMLs never make it through, but similar ones that are crappily worded do!
Today, I was sitting at lunch and started choking on a chip. I couldn't breathe and nobobody tried to help me. Having to take matters into my own hands, I reached for a juice box that belonged to someone sitting next to me. After I could breathe again, they informed me that they had mono. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13419) - you totally deserved it (1635)
On 11/18/2009 at 7:19pm - health - by ohmigodimchokin (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (20262) - you totally deserved it (1004)
On 11/18/2009 at 2:52pm - kids - by whatthewhat - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22917) - you totally deserved it (734)
On 11/15/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31877) - you totally deserved it (1365)
On 11/15/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I went to the grocery store where I work to pick up my pay check. After I got it, I headed back to the dorms to take a quick nap before Chemistry later. I woke up, and my check was gone. I later found it. In the form of a text from my roommate saying he gambled away 'our' money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16432) - you totally deserved it (1672)
On 11/11/2009 at 1:55am - money - by whoawhat (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I got a call from my ex asking if I could fix her computer. I brought my 7 year old son with me. On the way I told him, how I hated her, but I can't be rude. Once we get there, I say to her "it's nice to see you." My son says "but I thought you said you want her to fall off a bridge?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (3913) - you totally deserved it (22097)
On 11/08/2009 at 8:08pm - kids - by Dan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I let my nephew and his friend spend the night to watch movies. After I fell asleep they stole my liquor and went roaming. When they saw the cop car in front of my house and realized they were busted, they went up to the cop and told them I gave them the alcohol to avoid being grounded. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15968) - you totally deserved it (1524)
On 11/07/2009 at 8:35pm - misc - by AuntSucka (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, someone at work was bragging that their son was high school valedictorian and offered a full college scholarship. 7 years ago, I was also valedictorian and got that same scholarship. All I said was, "Congratulations. Did you want fries with that?" and continued taking their order. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22815) - you totally deserved it (3821)
On 11/07/2009 at 11:04am - work - by John (man) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today I finally finished my art project which was worth 50% of my quarterly grade. I came in 1st period to give it to her. When she turned to look at it, her elbow hit her coffee and spilled it all over the canvas. I got a 60. She said I would have had a 100, except for the giant coffee stain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34677) - you totally deserved it (1426)
On 11/05/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I was pulled over and was given a $300 ticket for going 90mph on a 70mph highway. The cop swore he saw my silver car darting in and out of traffic. A couple of minutes earlier that exact car had passed me while I was following the speed limit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19837) - you totally deserved it (862)
On 11/03/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by wrongcar - United States (Kansas)
Today, the police came to my door and told me about a woman who called the cops on me because she said that I had been following her in my car. We were on the highway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17730) - you totally deserved it (671)
On 11/02/2009 at 11:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I finally got my paycheck from working at my minimum wage job for the last three months. I was delighted when I saw it was worth $846. On my way to cash it, I destroyed my car's suspension. It's going to cost almost $800 to fix. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19734) - you totally deserved it (3376)
On 11/01/2009 at 4:08pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I am not allowed to have any of my candy because of my sister's weight problem. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22512) - you totally deserved it (2118)
On 11/01/2009 at 1:02pm - misc - by looloogirl (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found my checking and savings account to both read $0.00. My parents transferred all my money to theirs because "I'm irresponsible, and not fit to handle money." I'm a 3.8 college student and have a full-time job. They are currently unemployed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23626) - you totally deserved it (1518)
On 10/29/2009 at 10:00pm - misc - by Bummer - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12957) - you totally deserved it (4161)
On 10/29/2009 at 8:33pm - misc - by BaconBreathBlonde (woman) - United States (Illinois)
